Monday, 30 August 2010

Sick of Being the Bad Guy

Yesterday morning was a kind a Rubicon day in this house. I was extremely tired and lost it when, for no good reason other than gluttony, Nathaniel made a sandwich with 3 instead of 2 slices of bread. Given that he’s carrying more weight than he should and that I’m constantly warning him about overeating i kind of lost it and became very sarcastic with him. He told me to FUCK OFF and you know what that’s what I decided to do. If he wants to not write his blog and not improve his writing well he’s the one who’ll fail his exams. if he wants to become the class fatty I can’t stop him and I’m sick and tired of trying; so he got his wish, from now on I’ve fucked off…good luck on your own kid.

Sunday, 29 August 2010

Test : All My Videos

Home, Florida Nightmare, Hurricane Katrina, UK/US Society Compared, Nudie Cycling…Not! E.A. and Manuals

I’m at a loss for anything to write about today. Deb picked me up this AM and shortly after we got home she left again to do a little shopping. I decided to catch up on some recorded TV but didn’t really fancy much of what there was to watch. In the end I settled on, the documentary about Brits in Florida followed by another documentary this time looking back at Hurricane Katrina on the fifth anniversary of it devastating the city of New Orleans.

The Florida documentary was somewhat misleading because the title implied it concerned those Brits who’s American Dream had become a nightmare whereas, in fact, it was much more 50/50 focusing on as many successes as failures. It did bring home the fact that while the US and the UK “almost” share a common language they are very different societies, very different indeed! Until they hit on bad times I don’t think that the majority of the Brits realised quite what it means to live in a society that espouses, and practices, private health care and self reliance. If you get ill and can’t afford the treatment then TOUGH TITTY matey you’re on your own. Similarly, if you don’t earn your own money you don’t get to spend mine instead. In fact, even if you do earn your own money, but you’re not a US citizen, you can still get your Visa revoked if the US government decide that you don’t earn enough of it! In the US you can soar to incredible (indeed to what some would consider obscene) heights, of wealth and success but the corollary is that you can plunge to depths of hardship that are “supposedly” unknown and unthinkable in the UK. Even if the current coalition government, in the UK, manages to rein in the welfare state to the degree that it would like to the remaining provisions will still offer a far greater safety net to the disadvantaged than the existing system in the US does.

The Katrina documentary (which Nat and I watched together) also brought home these differences in particular how much underlying racism continues to exist in modern America. You couldn’t help but know that if the population of New Orleans, that was most affected by Katrina, had been white then much more and much more rapid help would have come their way. Indeed it was difficult not to get the impression that many white folks, especially rich white property developers, saw this as a heaven sent opportunity to gentrify the Big Easy by losing much of it’s” more ethnic” population. The actual flood footage provided a timely reminder, in view of what’s currently happening in Pakistan, of how incredibly powerful Katrina was; houses with only the very tops of their roofs above the water brought home the sheer extent of the devastation.

Afterward, I went to bed and slept until 6:00 when I woke, washed, ate and cycled to work. Halfway there I turned back for home having realised that while I’d washed and eaten I had in fact forgotten to get dressed. Despite the fact that it appeared that I had grown a perky set of bossoms (see below) and now possessed an anatomically correct lady's front bottom I decided it would probably be best if I returned home and got dressed!

 Once I was properly clothed, and my body had returned to normal, I resumed my journey to work. For the first time since I returned I covered EA and manuals. It wasn’t all that hard; apart from learning the new patch codes.

Friday, 27 August 2010

Home, Rescuing Nat’s Treasures, The Traveller Returns, Too Many Chips, Work and The Lottery

Deb and Han picked me up this morning, thank God I was too knackered to cycle, and we drove home via a quick stop at ASDA to get a few essentials (yes I do mean beer). Once home we filled the car with the crap Deb had chucked out of Nat’s room while she was decorating it. It filled the boot of the car quite easily and that was after I’d rescued a number of things I was sure he would want to keep. I’ve noticed that with women, if it’s not theirs they have no problem whatsoever in throwing things away without checking with the owner as to whether or not they wanted that item disposed of. On both the occasions when we’d moved house I‘ve invariably ended up discovering that certain “treasures of mine” never left the old place. I hope Nat’s grateful and realises what I service I’ve done him. If Deb had got her way he’d have come back to a room stripped of it’s history and bereft of it’s treasures. Anyway, my mission of mercy complete, after this I settled down to watch a little TV before going to bed. Deb planned to take Hannah to the cinema, again, and then to a local pub for lunch. I eventually went to bed at about 11:30 and by the time I woke Nat was back. He’d had a fantastic time and couldn’t wait to tell us everything he’s done.

Apparently when the coach had arrived at the central pick up point in Burnley there’d been a two hour stop over before going on to Castle Head so, once again, he’d watched most of the video of Avatar, still his all time favourite movie, before being whisked off in the coach bound for Castle Head; another hour and half saw him finally arrive around mid afternoon. I’ve yet to hear a chronological list of what happened after but at the moment the highlights appear to be Gyhll Scrambling (the spelling varies) which entails “scrambling” along a river bed while the river is still flowing over it; the video below should make this clearer :

In addition to this exhilarating pastime, there was, the fun of someone possibly Pooing their pants, although they may just have rolled in some animal droppings, meeting kids for a load of different backgrounds…including a few Scouser (people from Liverpool) Scallies and some Manchurians who subsequently fought with each other at the farewell disco (you can always rely on the underclass to embarrass the rest of us) plus kayaking and many other outdoor activities. Nat said that he wrote a list of the activities he undertook in the note book Deb gave him; so hopefully there’ll be a much fuller account of his week in Cumbria in his own blog entries.

Deb treated to chips, pies, sausages in batter and donner meat from the chip shop, there was far too much; none of us ate everything, before she drove me to work. The weather had improved vastly during the day and it was reasonably quite tonight. We had an amusing team buzz session early on in the evening and I undertook to check out the Camalot lotter website to see if there was an easier way of organising the team’s weekly Eurolotter entries. At present JDM collects the money monthly then he has, every week, make a trip to the supermarket to actual buy the tickets; is proving to be an increasing inconvenience for him. Perhaps we could organise things differently, perhaps direct debits and purchasing tickets on-line. I’m about to find out!

Nat's Joke One - Airplane

Nat's Joke Two - Roses are Red...

Thursday, 26 August 2010

A Rainy Morning Ride, Flowing River and Canal, Nat’s Bedroom, Wardrobe, Richard Dawkins – The God Delusion, Bye Bye Sunday School

The work on Nat’s bedroom continues at a frantic pace. Whilst I’ve slept today Deb, in between goinging out and about with Hannah, has continued to work her decorating magic. While it still looks like a sh*t hole it’s beginning to look like an organised sh*t hole…well done that woman. The wardrobe is complete although we may need to remove and reattach the doors as they don’t line up perfectly and tend to stick but, hopefully, that shouldn’t prove to be too difficult.

I cycled home this A.M. and deliberately stayed on the canal in order to take a few photos of the swollen river Soar and the Union canal; both are quite flooded and the Soar is threatening to over flow on one bank. It’s not been as bad as this for a few years.

Deb took the car into the garage this morning and so I stay up until she came home; as Hannah was fast asleep I took the opportunity to watch Richard Dawkins’ “The God Delusion”. As is always the case, with anything that RD makes, it was a fantastic programme; in fact it was a remake of his original four part documentary “The Age of Reason”. I don’t and can’t understand what it is about peoples’ basic mind set that compels them to believe in complete and utter drivel. I stopped attending Sunday school at the age of seven after receiving a particularly arsine response to a question I had asked the “teacher”. The question - basically “how do we know that the ancient gods are myths but that GOD isn’t”? The answer “because we do; it says so in the bible”. Well after that God and I parted company; in fact, if I recall correctly (and I always do), I think I continued to believe in Santa until I was nine which was two years more than I believed in God. Mind you, I did have a “reason” to keep believing in Santa …PRESENTS…my Mama didn’t raise no dummies! The problem with all of RD’s programmes is this; they are simultaneously entertaining, informative and deeply, deeply depressing! If the soldiers and generals of the First World war can be accurately described as Lions Led By Donkeys (they can’t, this is a dreadful over simplification) then surely the religious and their leadership can accurately be described as Sheep Led By Sharks! The people who actually lead these cults must, surely, be too intelligent to believe in the bullshit they peddle, shouldn’t they? Unfortunately it seems, at least in most cases, that they to do truly and absolutely believe the exact same nonsense. It’s enough to make one believe that there can be a good argument for genocide or whatever the equivalent word is for wiping out people based on their belief in the existence of the supernatural…Rigocide perhaps?

Anyways eventually we got to the end, with much gnashing of teeth and shouts of incredulity on my part, and at about 12:00 I went to bed. I listened to a few podcasts before finally drifting off to sleep and experiencing a deeply disturbing dream about having to give Nat the kiss of life. I think my worries about him being on and adventure outward bound type course in the Lake District during this bad weather run very, very deep. The good thing is that today will be the last day of activities as he, and the others on the course with him, will be leaving there tomorrow morning to return home. Question, can anyone suggest fifteen words I might use in order to reach six hundred words. Oh forget it; I’ve just reached six hundred and eleven.

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

No Wardrobe, No Bike, No Haircut, No Wiggly Snake

Today was supposed to be another busy day, complete the wardrobe, take Nat’s bike to the cycle shop and get me a goddamned haircut. Unfortunately when Deb woke me I went straight back to sleep. So, she finished the wardrobe, the bike stayed put and I’ve still got all of, what’s left of, my hair still atop me noggin. While I slept Deb took Hannah, Sian and Josh to the pictures to see, I think, The Sorcerer’s apprentice. When I did get up for work we once again experienced Hannah’s bad attitude and once again, probably to no purpose, I had to have a long talk with her about it. If she’s like this at nine God knows what she’ll be like as a teenager. I’ll be trawling the kinky websites for a chastity belt for her at this rate; one with a built in GPS unit…kids!!! While I was in bed wriggly snake finally disappeared and all we have now to remember him are the photos below.

I went to work on my bike and got well soaked. Changed when I got there but forgot my towel and there were no paper towels in the shower room so I to dowse myself in cold water and dry off with a damp tee-shirt…such fun. To add to the woe, it was as busy as winter tonight because people were turning on their systems only to find that they were faulty. There were 50 calls in queue when I arrived and we didn’t stop until after midnight when things finally quietened down.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Fosse Park, JJB Sports, Samsung Galaxy, Druckers, Smiths, Donna Hair Dresser, Wardrobe, Big Brother Eleven Final, Josie Wins, Ultimate BB, John McCririck

This morning we're off to the shops; specifically we're going to the Fosse Park Centre, one of Leicester's out of town shopping centres, which is a mere half mile away from our home. The purported purpose of the trip is to get Hannah a new pair of trainers for school but there are plans to stop for food and have a good poke around. We drove to the Fosse, yes I know it's only half a mile away but that's as the crow flies and we don't fly, parked and made our way to JJB Sports. I'm intrigued by this shop because I've never ever gone in there when everything isn’t on special offer. I don't know if it's a deliberate marketing ploy but I've never seen anything there priced up at full price. We first set about looking for some trainers for Hannah, after all this was our excuse for being here in the first place and eventually settled on a black pair of Velcro fastening ones. Hannah was wearing a long tee shirt/dress with a short denim skirt and I had to point out to her that, when she was lifting her leg to try the shoes on she was flashing her knickers which wasn't very ladylike but was very funny. Anyway, the JJB price strategy was working it's particular brand of magic and some we found ourselves buying far more than we had intended to. I got a tube of golf balls two packs of hollow plastic practice balls and a pack of pink golf tees. You may remember that we'd purchased a selection of clubs when we were at the Moss Meadows summer festival some weeks back; now at least we could get to use these.

From JJB’s we moved on to the Food Court adjacent to the store. This is a large seating area surrounded by various fast food establishments. In addition, there are a few other outlets including an Orange and an O2 store (I say store but really they're too small to swing a cat in). I headed for the Orange store where I could have a play with the phones while the girls decided what/where we were going to eat. Hannah followed as did, shock horror, Deb. I was about to receive a totally unexpected shock; Deb expressed the opinion that she liked a phone!!!!! Yes, Deb said she liked a phone, well after the staff had got me a chair and a glass of water and I was, once more, completely conscious, I took a look at what it was that had sparked her appreciation. It was the brand new huge screened Samsung Galaxy S.

Possible the best phone, with the possible exception of the iPhone four, currently on the market. Well she might not be interested in phones (sorry, mobile computers) but she knows quality when she sees it.

Hannah was desperate for a KFC (formerly known, I believe, as Kentucky Fried Chicken) but, eventually, we were able to persuade her that a coffee and cake in Druckers’ Patisserie would be nicer. She had a lemon cheese cake and Deb and I had Black Forest Gateaux as we used to when we visited Druckers in Birmingham many years back… it was so romantic! Romantic it may have been but expensive it most certainly was:-

Three Cakes Three Drinks ...£15.90!

When we finished Deb wanted to check out a few other clothing stores, to equip the kids for the new school year, while I wanted to browse round W.H. Smiths. Hannah decided she wanted to go to Smiths with me but didn’t want to stay with me while I checked out the O2 store. I walked her to Smiths and returned; bit pointless really as I spent all of five minutes in the O2 before I too left for Smiths. I found Hannah, as per usual, pursuing the art supplies and again, as per usual, asking if she could have the painting set she was examining. I neatly dodged the bullet and told her she'd have to ask her mother, sneaky ah? Leaving her I made over to book section and started checking out the titles there. Normally I start by looking at what's in the sci/fi section but for some reason I was drawn to popular history where I spotted about six books that I really want. One was Stalin: The Court of the Red Tsar  which I've heard good things about, in addition I spotted a selection of books on the history of beer and brewing by an author who’s name now escapes me and finally John O’Farrell’s sequel to An Utterly Impartial History of Britain: (or 2000 Years of Upper Class Idiots in Charge)  An Utterly Exasperated History of Modern Britain: or Sixty Years of Making the Same Stupid Mistakes as Always. I've read Utterly Impartial and it's both hilarious and informative, I'm trying to get Nat to read it at the moment, so I'm eager to get my hands on this follow up. Eventually, Deb phoned to say she's finished her tasks and could we meet her at the car and go home. On the way we got a call from Donna asking Deb to pick her up from the hairdresser's so we diverted and did so. Her new hairstyle really suited her. After dropping her at home we eventual got home ourselves and after a short rest Deb started again on Nat’s room.
Tonight was the final episode of Big Brother Eleven and the last BB ever aside from the special Ultimate BB they're running immediately after with the winner. Unfortunately, Deb had decided that this evening we were going to put together the wardrobe she'd ordered off of eBay. Now, normally, we're both pretty good at putting together flat pack furniture but, unfortunately, this second hand wardrobe didn't come with an instruction booklet. The previous owner had been good enough to write on each piece what it was but this didn't explain how everything slotted together. The upshot was that when BB11 started at 8:00 we were both trying to put the bloody thing together so we missed the start of the final evictions. Hannah, downstairs with Shantelle, kept calling up to us but we couldn't leave because we'd reached the stage where if we didn't keep a grip on the damned thing it would fall apart. Eventual, just before 9:00 we got it stable enough to leave and we went down stairs. Things went pretty much as expected; Andrew out; JJ out; Mario out and finally just Dave and Josie left. Eventually it was announced, to no one's surprise, that Josie was the winner. Well deserved because she seems to be a genuinely nice, if somewhat insecure, girl. Shortly afterwards she was sent back into the house and to be joined by the contestants in the Ultimate BB. What a motley crew they were, with the possible exception of Ulrika Johnson (who I rather like) and included among them was the TV personality hates most in all the World … John McCririck

Yes I am a Complete Twat 
Oh my God Deb, who normally doesn't hate anyone, hates this man with a vengeance; not because of his weird appearance but rather for his hateful attitude toward women. He is the man that the word misogynist could have been invented for. He's utterly hateful and seems to think that it's funny; he's said he'll be the first person evicted and I'm pretty sure he'll be proved right on that one. 

Best Jokes from Endinburgh Fringe 2010

The joke of the festival
Vine's fine line wins award

Tim Vine has won a prize for the funniest joke of this year's Edinburgh Fringe.
Visitors to the website of digital TV channel Dave decided the best gag of all 883 comedy shows at the festival was his line: ‘I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.’
Vine said: "I am very happy to win this award and I'm going to celebrate by going to Sooty's barbecue and having a sweepsteak’.
The top 10 festival jokes were judged to be:
Tim Vine: I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
David Gibson: I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.
Emo Philips: I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
Jack Whitehall: I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."
Gary Delaney: As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.
John Bishop: Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.
Bo Burnham: What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."
Gary Delaney: Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted.
Robert White: For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: Empty."
Gareth Richards: Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…
Last year, Dan Antopolski won the prize with his line: Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?

Read more:

Monday, 23 August 2010

Hannah’s Hair, Redecorating Nat’s Room, My Marrow surprise, Young Dumb and Living with Mum.

Having, yet again, stayed up most of the night I popped to bed when Deb and Hannah woke up. When I finally awoke it was to be presented with the all new Hannah. Like Deb, Hannah has very sensitive hair and she, like Deb, experiences severe pain if it’s, even gentle, pulled! This is exacerbated because she’s always had her hair long and has resisted having it cut shorter. So, one can imagine the scene when we have to comb out her tangled hair; it is, very much, a tear’s at bedtime/breakfast situation. Finally Deb had enough and insisted that it had to be at least cut and trimmed a little. By now even Hannah accepted that the situation couldn’t continue and agreed to this so long as too much wasn’t cut off. Well what a difference, she looked great and finally her hair was manageable that I could brush it for her without her ending up in floods of tears. Below are some photos of the new and the old Hannah.

After they’d got home Deb decided to start on her plan to redecorate Nat’s bedroom. Three of the walls were to be painted a greeny/yellow and the fourth a dark blue. In addition we needed to have a good clear out of his old toys, rearrange the layout of the room and finally remove his old fabric wardrobe and built the replacement wooden one that Deb had purchased on eBay. All in all a big job, I left Deb and Hannah to get started knowing that, at some point, I’d get dragged in to do the heavy lifting (Deb likes paint whereas I can’t abide doing it, if for no other reason than the paint fumes always leave me with a splitting headache afterward) and sundry construction. She and Hannah made good headway and before long the first wall had been completed and now the hard part started. Decorating Nat’s room involves constantly moving things from place to place. It’s like one of those tile games where you have to keep moving the tiles back and forth in order to build up the final picture.
 We weren’t sure what to have for dinner so I suggested that I might experiment with one of the marrows to see if I could create an edible dish from it and the limited ingredients we had in the kitchen. I managed it; first I sliced and diced some red, plain and shallot onions. These I placed in a large pan with some garlic, Worcester sauce and olive oil. I proceeded to fry these and while they were frying I diced a marrow into relatively small pieces. When the onions had cooked sufficiently I added a tin of plumb tomatoes and the marrows, seasoned with black pepper and left to cook on a low heat. After about half and hour we were left we a reasonably tasty sort of ratatouille. Hannah, as per usual, wouldn’t try it and had macaroni cheese but Deb and I managed two bowls each and eat the lot. Not bad really because Deb had been all for chucking the marrows, saying that she didn’t like marrow. Next time I’ll put a few other vegetables in too and add more spices. While we were eating we watched BBC3’s second series of Young, Dumb and Living with Mum; now, often, especially when they’re sitting watching me vacuum cleaning, I think that my kids are spoilt, lazy and overly dependant on us for everything, but compared to this shower of twits our two are over achieving self starters. How on earth do you reach you late teens/ early twenties without being able to boil water without burning it? I had watched the previous series and had been equally gobsmacked by the bunch of selfish lazy incompetents they’d found for hat series; I was astonished to see that they’d been able to find second bunch who were as useless as the first, if not more so. You don’t get a book when you become a parent so you never know if you’re doing the right thing but, at least, with programmes like this you can see that you haven’t gone as wrong as you could have…one hopes!

Sunday, 22 August 2010

Nat off to the DoIt4Real camp in Cumbria, Coach pick up at Leicester railway station, Allotment Therapy, Hannah’s back from Cub Camp

Nat was off to Castle Head in Cumbria this morning on a DoIt4Real course. We were due to drop him off at Leicester Railway station at 9:00 to pick up the coach that would take him, and the others kids, to the central organising point in Burnley where each of them would get a coach to whichever centre they were going to. We left home around 8:20 and were at the station by 8:40. The coach was already there but with time to spare Nat and I went onto the station platform to see what renovations had taken place. I can’t say that it seemed at all different to how it was when I used to commute to London in 1988. Back at the coach we got chatting with a few of the other parents and realised how lucky we were. It seems that Leicester is the only pick up point in this area and some of them had travelled from as far as Milton Kynes that morning. The coach schedule had a built in lateness component and would stay until 9:30 in case anyone had been delayed on their way. Because Deb and I wanted to get some work done on our allotment we eventually left leaving Nat happily sitting on the coach chatting to his fellow travellers.

Hopefully he had an uneventful journey because it’s Thursday as I’m typing this and we’ve not heard from him to date. Deb then drove us to the allotment where we started making an attempt at clearing some of the accumulated mess. Because of my hip operation we’ve not really done much this year and even the covered over areas were overgrown. Eventually after a few hours backbreaking work we made some headway and cleared this area and an adjacent one which we then also covered over. The photos below don’t really show what we did but our muscles certainly confirmed that we’d done something. On the upside, I finally managed to listen to the first two of Dan Carlin’s three Hardcore History Podcasts dealing with the Punic Wars; so that was nice! When we left we took a basket of beans and marrows plus a large bag of plumbs we’d picked, with permission, from Terry’s (a fellow allotment holder two plots down from ours) trees.

Later, 2:30, Deb left to pick up Donna and together they went and fetched Hannah and Josh from camp. Hannah had been sharing a hut; it was too wet to stay in tents, with Charley who she met at camp the last time she was there. Unlike Nat she’s had the wherewithal to get Charley’s Facebook address and made contact with her when she got home. The gossip, she told us, was that Josh had been snuggling/snogging with Charley while they were away and that she was now his girlfriend!!! His girlfriend…for God’s sake they are only nine years old; what are they doing having boyfriends and girlfriends at that age? I told Hannah that she wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend until she was at least twenty! Apparently, according to Josh, all the boys in her class fancy Hannah but they’re also all afraid of her! Hopefully, this is state of affairs that will continue for a long time… I wish.

That was about it for Sunday.

Saturday, 21 August 2010

Vue, Film, Pizzahut, Packing for Cumbria

As per usual I stayed up most of the night and went to bed in the morning when Deb and Nat woke up. They went to the Vue to see a film but I’m not sure what film they saw. They then went for a pizza at Pizzahut. This turned out to be a non-day for me and I can’t recall anything of note whatsoever. Deb spent much of the day making sure that Nat had everything he’d need for his week in Cumbria.


Friday, 20 August 2010

Nat's notes Friday 20 August

Friday 20 August

Today I went into town with my homies i.e. Zak and Sam. First we went to the Warhammer store and played a game of 2 V 2 we won (we being me and the guy that was on my team). On a slightly related note there was a Ginger in the Warhammer store who gets on my tits. He does this by having a massive army at 8000 points I have 2000 points but the annoying thing is he dose not look after them most aren't painted and have arms and weapons missing.

Near the end of the day we played a big battle my team all had 800 points each and the guy with 8000 points was the other team. We got the first turn we started with me dropping 2 drop pods behind enemy lines. These the disgorged 10 heavily armed and armoured Terminators. Terminators are Space Marines in super duper ala peter de hooper Armour.

When I got home Zak came over and we played Resident Evil 5. It was a fun game for all the family with lots of killing and zombies with either exploded head, pincer mouths,ugly faces or Zombies with chain saws.

After Zak had gone I downloaded a new game called Monday Night Combat. I would highly recommend it.

By Nat (the Ginster) Jones

Home from work, Confused Sleep, Warhammer Nat, Cubs Camp Hannah, Big Brother Big Eviction Night

I finished work at 8:00 and cycled home burdened with much wet weather gear; once there I was again soaked in sweat, will this humidity never clear? I didn’t immediately go to bed but was sufficiently tired that I remember little of the morning. At some point the kids woke and Nat eventually went into town with Zak and Sam to the Warhammer shop. If I recall correctly Deb drove them in leaving Hannah at home, with a semi-comatose me, annoyed she couldn’t go with them. I think, at some point, I went to bed but I honestly don’t recall whether I did or not; I suspect the once more the CIA were interfering with my brain waves because I’d forgotten to wear my tin foil hat. I’m fairly sure that, somewhere or other, I think I went to bed as I’ve a vague memory of Hannah coming into the bedroom to kiss me goodbye before she and Josh went off to Cub Camp for the weekend. In fact, I’m now sure she did do this so …NaNaNa you CIA barstools you’ll never break me and I will reveal the truth about the reptoids and the Royal family…bless you David Ike.

Whatever happened, Nat was home by the time I came downstairs and we looked forward part one of the big brother BIG eviction, five housemates would be leaving but which five? Somehow we managed to miss the beginning and didn’t see big Steve get the boot; something he himself doesn’t, unfortunately, have. I think Nat decided to remain upstairs talking to friends (?) on his X-box. The evictees and survivors were exactly as we expected with the one exception of Corin and JJ; she went and he stayed which took us both by surprise. Andrew, Dave, JJ, Mario and Josie were the final five.

Kiddy Pope

Google Reader

For the first time I can recall in a very very long time everyone of my Google Reader feeds is clear. will I ever manage to do this again? Probably not!

Go On Gove-y ( Listen) You Know You Want To* : Hardcore History and Common Sense - Podcasting at it's Best

* Thanks to BBC Radio Four Friday Night Comedy Podcast - The Now Show.

It's true Govey you do look like a Ventriloquist's Dummy

Thursday, 19 August 2010

Curtain Rail, Baby's Cot, Cables, Amazon, Headphones, Pax Brittanica, Battery, Disney, Remote, Hannah, Rain, Sauna Boy

Well now I’m buggered, I just wrote so much that I’m now all written out. Is there anything to say about today? Hold on one cotton picking minute, there’s loads to write about because when I got home Deb, she’s the one who “thinks” she’s my better half…why spoil the delusion, was having a bit of household blitz. Yesterday morning, I’d forgotten this, we’d finally replaced the curtain rail in our bedroom and we’d had to move some furniture to do so. Behind the dressing table we found the kid’s old disassembled cot. This morning, when I got home, she’d brought this down stairs and was in the process of trying to work out if it was complete, so that we could offer it free to someone who needed a cot via Freecycle. In addition, to this work of furniture “jigsawing”, she’d got out all the various carrier bags that were filled with sundry electrical cables to try and find the charging cable for Hannah’s keyboard. There were about five bags and all the cables in all the bags had, during their time there, conspired with one another to entangle themselves. Perhaps, like Toy Story, they come to life, at night when everyone’s asleep, and this is their equivalent of group sex, it’s a thought and a damned sexy one at that! Whatever the reason, Muggins (that’s me) was obliged to disentangle them and this proved to be a job filled with hours of fun. Eventually we found the cable we were looking for plus the cable for my bedside speaker and we sorted out the rest. I needed new headphones and among the clutter there about fifteen pairs. Most of these were broken but about five functioned perfectly. Unfortunately, none of them were of the kind, in ear bubs, that I can wear while cycling so I finally bit the bullet and ordered a new set of “phones” off of Amazon. Along the way, to avoid postage (nil if order over £15) I also bought the latest novel in the “Pax Brittanica” series, Royal Blood or Blood Royal…I forget which way round it is, and a new Nokia battery for my N82 phone. Whilst I was engaged with the foregoing Deb had moved outside and was proceeding, rapidly, to empty our two out buildings! Being on holiday always makes her go completely gaga; I suspect that it’s something to do with her being female. Having a small, female, brain means, of course, that academic pursuits are beyond her preview and thus she has to content herself with repetitive manual labour. On the plus side it does mean that the house gets a good cleaning and that’s always nice.

Eventually the kids got up and I went to bed and slept until 5:30 Pm when Nat came and woke me. I wanted to change the TV channel from Disney (God I Hate the Disney Channel and it’s cloned child, soon to be short lived pop sensations, actors) to BBC1 in order to watch the Six O’clock News but the remote was nowhere to be found. I asked Hannah where it was, as she’s obviously been the last to use it…Disney Channel remember… and she responded with her usual indifference whilst eating the macaroni cheese I’d just cooked for her. What is it with her; does she choose to press my buttons deliberately? I went up like a rocket and a very tearful Hannah was banished upstairs; once more, I hated myself for frightening her and pondered on how we were going to change this increasingly regular situation. The control was eventually found and shortly afterward Deb returned from weightwatchers, must ask her how she did, and we had dinner. It had been raining all day long and still was and as Deb had to take the kids to judo I was faced with a very wet cycle ride to work. I packed everything I needed for my rucksack into plastic bags, including my trousers, a towel and three dry tee-shirts (dress down night), before packing them away, dug out my water proofs and made ready to go. I left home at 7:45 PM and cycled slowly to work where I arrived at 8:15. The moment I entered the building I started to perspire profusely and I mean super profusely. Before I’d had the chance to take of my coat and WP trousers my inner garments were soaked and I was bright red. I spent a half an hour or so back and fore to the toilet towelling down and changing into dry clothes. Eventually I soaked my towel in cold water and used this to cool myself. I was still hot and sweaty at 9:30 Pm and very uncomfortable. Once again, the night was busy as the weather had become quite autumnal. The rain continues undiminished and I face the prospect of another wet journey this morning, followed by another simulated sauna session no doubt!

Nat's notes Thursday 19 August

Thursday 19 August

Today I went in to town with Sam and Zak. Or more precisely the Warhammer shop, why did we go to the Warhammer shop ? you say -  to play Warhammer. It's pretty obvious to realise that, but I guess I will have to dumb it down for some of the readers of this like my dad LOL!!(Laugh Out Loud I hope that now you know what LOL means). 

When we were in town we played a couple of games as well as going to Forbidden Planet, Game, Dominoes, Red 5, Menkind and Maryland Chicken. I bought a pen that gives you an electric shock when you try to use it from Red 5.

At home I  got' Hannah with my shock pen thus causing her to cry, which is very wimpy.  (But she did have damp hands at the time !!!!)

Later on I got my dad after he had got up I said “hay dad look at my new pen try and use it” then 10 seconds later “OWW I just realised it was shocking me I did not realise as I keep getting Pins and needles in this arm” he said - but he didn't cry like Hannah because Hannah did cry a lot.  Funny but the shock didn't really bother me at all.

By Nat (the Ginster) Jones.

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Cinema, Hannah Music, Piano,

Deb and the kids went to the cinema this morning with Sian and Joshua and left me to get some sleep. On a different note (pun intended) Hannah seems to be rediscovering her musical talents; a few years back she started having piano lessons but she gave them up because the sessions proved to be too long, after all, she was only six! At the time we bought her an electronic keyboard and for the last two years or so it’s lingered, forlorn and virtually unused, in a corner of the lounge. Whatever the reason, she’s decided to start playing it again and, it appears, she has quite a degree of natural talent. She rapidly picks up tunes and is quickly playing them with astonishing competence. Deb asked me to surf the net for piano lesions, which I did, and we’ve now downloaded a number of free teaching programmes. Maybe Nat’s the academic child and she’s the artistic one? The only problem with that is that she still needs to know the academic stuff, if she’s to have a future, and it remains an effort to get her to take an interest in such things. Deb says to give her time but I fear that while we’re doing that we might well run out of it. This could be why I’m so short tempered with her and lack patience; on the other hand it could be her surely demeanour whenever you ask her to do something. I know teenage girls are a pain in the arse but she could, at least, have waited until she became one! Please God don’t let Nat become “Kevin the Teenager” in October when he turns thirteen; if that happens I predict a family annihilation…to, any police, social workers or other concerned busybody reading the foregoing…it’s a joke…honest!!! If I could write only another twenty four words I’d have cracked the three hundred barrier but unfortunately I can’t think of anything else that I want to convey from my mind to your mind, dearest reader, through my fingers via this keyboard and the electronic media it can create. Three hundred and sixty four; how the f**k did that happen?

Nat's notes Wednesday 18 August

Wednesday 18 August

Today was pretty much standard. Apart from the fact that I went to the Cinema to see Marmaduke which is a film about a dog. I would of preferred to see death, violence and killing 8 but we went with Sian and Josh, plus its not a real movie, but it SHOULD BE!!!! The movie was very good I will not talk about the it as I don't want to give any spoilers.

The one thing that was annoying was that Josh had to constantly go to the toilet, only twice this time but when we went to see Twilight last week he must of gone enough times to water a field with his pee. This time my mum made him sit at the end of the row, but last time he was in the middle!! You must feel sorry for the poor people who he kept walking in front of.

After the cinema I went to have my hair cut a number 2 all over so I am now a bristle head.

Later that day....I went to Boxing where we did circuit training. The easiest part of today exercises were when Paddy threw a medicine ball at you whilst you were doing a sit up on the inclined bench.  

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Back to Work and Very Sweaty

Tonight I was facing the first night (back at work) of my three night stint; it’s back full time next week. Because of this the day held little of consequence for me. I‘d stayed up most of the night in order to sleep during the day and this I duly did. I’ve no idea what the kids did while I slept because whatever it was did not entail them making sufficient noise to wake me up. The moral is obvious – if you’re going to be naughty then being naughty quietly is the better strategy.

I woke eventually at about 6:00 PM, had a bite to eat, beat the children (working on the principle that they must have been up to something and that if they hadn’t then this would, instead, act as a deterrent to future miscreant behaviour…it worked for My Mother) goodbye and cycled to work. I’m not so sure that cycling is the best decision I’ve made recently; because by the time I arrived I was drenched in sweat and feeling as if I were about to suffer from a bout of the “Vapours”! I resolved, in future, to bring a towel so that I might take advantage of the ablutions, on site, to cool myself down. The night passed slowly and things were quite busy, early on, given the time of year. When things did quieten down I took the opportunity to catch up on last weeks blog posts. Eventually 8:00 AM arrived and I cycled home. Once more, on arrival I was bathed in sweat such that it appeared that I had availed myself of the services of a sauna rather than simply cycled a few miles. Well I think I’ve stretched this post out enough, I’ve still got to write tomorrow’s and the next days because once again I’m using the quiet of the night, the last this week, to catch up on backlogged blogs…Happy Friday Everyone!

Nat's notes Tuesday 17 August FOR KANE!!

Tuesday 17 August

Today I did bugger all in the morning, all I did was play Command and Conquer. I played as the terrorist group called Nod. What is nod you say? Well nod is a group founded in the 20 century or more specifically 1995. This coincided with the arrival of Tiberium, an alien substance that is highly toxic but also very valuable. Nods enemy is the Global Defence Indicative or GDI.

It is now 2047 and the third Tiberium war is about to start. As well as this the world is dying, Tiberium has turned most of the world into inhospitable red zones. Nod controls the yellow zones which are hospitable but Tiberium is still present. The rest of the world is made up of blue zones which are controlled by GDI these are completely unaffected by Tiberium.

Nod started as a terrorist group, but is now a fully functioning army with tanks and an air force. The main tactic of Nod is to use stealth and set up ambushes. Nod is a mix of poorly trained and poorly equipped militants and super epic troops armed with a variety of strange and exotic weapons of doom.

By Nat (the ginster) Jones 

Monday, 16 August 2010

Nat's Notes Monday 16 August

Monday 16 August

Today was very tiring and very very EPIC. The morning was pretty dull but the afternoon was the exact opposite. The first thing we did in the afternoon was go in to town. Whilst we were in town we went around the High Cross, to the Apple store and Hannah went to Claire's. After this we went to the Warhammer shop where I gave them the parental consent from so I could go to Games day. I have a very special seminar ticket which is only for white dwarf subscribers, and I'm not one.

Then we had lunch at the Hand Made Burger Co. I had the BBQ burger with bacon and cheese with a side order of chips and onion rings. All washed down with a bottle of coke.

After this we went on the edible bug tour where the guide showed us the displays and giant robotic BUGS!!!

It was then a quick dash to boxing, which was the same as always.

After boxing we went swimming with Hannah's Cubs and the Beavers, I am a million times more EPIC as I am a Scout. Even my miserable dad went in the water after about 2 years worth of Hannah trying to persuade him!!! He had obviously forgotten that Hannah had painted his toenails green.

By Nat ( the Ginster) Jones.

To Town, The Apple Store, Hand Made Burgers, Apple Store Again, Creepy Crawlies tour, Boxing, Swimming with cubs

By unspoken consent a veil was drawn over the previous day’s turn of events and today we went into Town to do a number of things. Deb started two weeks leave today and had made plans for the kids to go to see the Natural History Museums travelling event “Edible Creepy Crawlies” which was being hosted in the Highcross Shopping Centre in Leicester. This wasn’t all that was on the agenda, we were planning to have a meal and Nat had to pick up some tickets from the GamesWorkshop for an event of theirs he is attending at the NEC next week. The first place we visited was the Apple Store in the Highcross where we spend an enjoyable half an hour playing with the superlative tech they sell. I enjoyed myself on and iPhone and an iPad while they may have done the same. Once I’m in there I’m oblivious to what’s going on around me. I seem to recall that Nat spent his time on an iPad and Hannah was playing with an iPod touch, this being what she wants for Christmas this year…has she no idea of the value of money…no she hasn’t after all… She’s A Girl! Eventually Deborah, the spoil sport, dragged us away and we went to get Nat’s tickets. He’s a Jammy Little Git; he (we) had paid for a standard ticket but after we’d left and he was checking it out he realised that, in fact, they’d given him a seminar ticket which entitled him to attend additional events and presentations. From there we went to get something to eat and decided to try the Handmade Hamburger restaurant. Good choice, expensive but the burgers were large and delicious; my blue cheese burger was scrumptious. After we’d finished eating there was still a half an hour before the start of the tour so, as it was close by, we went back to the Apple store…Oh Joy! The tour was great fun, we were escorted round it by an Indiana Jones look alike (although I think he may have in fact been an Australian), complete with bullwhip and giant bubble blower, who was humorous and good with the kids.

First we saw the photo exhibition, adjacent to the John Lewis’s store, and then we went to see the giant insect animatronics.

Finally we return to our starting point where “Indi” build a large balloon insect* that Hannah managed to nab. All in all a fun day out but it wasn’t over yet. By now it was 4:40 and the kids were supposed to be at the boxing club at 5:00. W raced back to the car park where we weren’t able, at first, to find the car. The clock was ticking but by some good driving and sensible routing we made it to the club just in time. Deb and I waited in the car reading, they don’t encourage parents to remain in the club during training, until the kids finished at 6:00. From here we sped on to Braunstone Swimming baths where Hannah’s Cub pack had arranged an evening in the pool. Our haste proved unnecessary because by the time everyone had arrived and sundry parents, including myself, had been dragooned into joining the kids in the pool it was 7:00. We were in the pool for an hour and it was great fun, luckily I’d forgotten that Hannah had painted my toenails bright green the previous week and so I wasn’t at all embarrassed by them until I remembered. No one appeared to notice or if they did they were too polite to say anything. Eventually we were home for 9:00 and after watching BB11 everyone but me went to bed. I stayed up alternating between playing on the PC watching TV and reading.

* Thanks to the “insect’s” remarkable resemblance to an octopus rather than an insect we named it “Paul the Octopus” in tribute to that world famous result predicting octopus of 2010’S Football World Cup

Sunday, 15 August 2010

Sunday Rugby School, iPad, Pony, Angry for No Reason

Today was the final day of the Vipers’ Summer Rugby School and it was a beautiful sunny day. We all four went to the club to watch the final mornings training and then stay for the BarBQ and bouncy castle and tombola etc. Things were fine to begin with but I let the side down by having one drink to many and becoming angry and annoyed for no good reason. I only had three pints so I’m blaming and empty stomach and the hot weather. Before all this we were chatting with Brandon’s parents, Paula and Mark, only to discover that Paula, the jammy minx, had found an Apple iPad in the road. She assumed that someone had perhaps placed it on the roof of their car and then driven off forgetting it was there; whatever the explanation she found herself with a brand new, fully working, slightly chipped iPad with nothing installed on it give any clue as to the identity of the genuine owner. Hannah and I spent sometime stroking the Shetland pony in an adjacent field, after that she then spent mucho pennies buying tombola tickets. She kept winning, the lucky bugger, when I had a go I won diddly squat! At the presentation at the end of the day’s events was awarded with a silver certificate for his efforts.

We returned home although I left our party at Sainsbury’s and bought some more beer. I walked home with these to find the kids had departed to their bedrooms to avoid me and Deb was in the garden studiously ignoring me. No one to blame but myself, eventually, after watching an episode of How The Universe Works, I cut my losses and went to bed. I really don’t know why I was angry and where the black moods come from but, unfortunately, every now and again they come!

Nat's Notes Sunday 15 August

Sunday 15 August

Today was the exact opposite of yesterday. Why you ask is this? It is because it was incredible sunny, so sunny we all got sunburnt.

We had already done all the drills so we just played bulldog, a couple of games of rugby and did some kicking. The first thing we did was play bulldog in which I started off as a defender. The defenders job is to tackle the people running across the field before they get to the other side. After this we played rugby where you have to stay on your knees. We also played normal rugby during this I scored the most EPIC try ever in the history of rugby. This try was epic because I ran all the way across the pitch and at the end I got tripped up by someone sliding into the back of my ankles. This resulted in me flying through the air while at the same time spinning and landing over the try line and scoring. I am told it looked like it was out of the Matrix.

After they had added up the scores for all the different drills they awarded me a silver medal. This is the second time I have earned a silver medal and it was an improvement on last year when I only got a bronze.

Nat (the Ginster) Jones

Saturday, 14 August 2010

Nat's notes Saturday 14 August

Saturday 14 August

Today was WET! Incredibly WET! Why was it WET? Because it rained. It rained like there as no tomorrow but there a few 5 minute breaks in the rain so it went from pouring down to no rain at all with nothing in between. Because it was so wet and our boots had churned up the ground every where was a bog. It was so muddy but we made the best of it by sliding in it. When we dived to score a try or if we slid on the floor to get the ball we got MUDDY!!!!

At lunch some people started dancing and they were actually very good. They did the worm, the moon walk and one did a dance like Michel Jackson. But one thing led to another and it ended up with everyone doing the time warp again.

After lunch we did a drill which involves Gruba Kicking (this is a type of kick where instead of going up and over the other team the ball rolls along the ground) once we had Gruba Kicked it past a defender we picked the ball up and scored a try. During this exercise I slid through the mud to pick up the ball and when I scored the try I dived into the MUD!!!

By Nat ( the Ginster) Jones

Annual Allotment Open Day, Call Centre Sniffles

Today was the annual allotment open day and I’d hope to attend; unfortunately I was full of cold, well I had a slight call centre induced sniffle, and it was pouring with rain. In the end I decided that discretion was the better part of valour and slept in. Nat, once again, was away at the Vipers ground for the second day of rugby school and I don’t recall where Deb and Hannah were, shopping most probably. Nothing much happened during the rest of the day and I think I’ll leave it there.

Friday, 13 August 2010

Friday 13 August

Friday 13 August

Today was fun and wet it was fun because I started Rugby Summer School and wet because it was raining a lot an awful lot. When I got there the first thing I did was let my mum sign me in and then I waited for some one I new to arrive. Once everyone was signed in went to specific areas to meet our coaches as there were only about 8 of us we had to be joined with the year above us this boosted our numbers up to 16. Soon after this we started our first drill were you had to slide on to the ground pick up a ball and score a try. After this we started a small game of tag this was a fun break. Straight after this we started tackling were I took the person down every time and did not go down once in fact in one instance I had my legs held when another person ran at me to try and take me down but I took him down and walked off. After this we had lunch where I had my pack up and they gave out crisps and drinks which were tasty. After lunch we continued tackling but from every different side. Near the end we played a kicking game in which you had to score points by getting the ball in to boxes and tyres out of two shots I got 1 point.

When I got home I went on the PC and found this Video

Nat (The Ginster) Jones

The Girl's Sleep Over, Pancakes, Nachos, Rugby Summer School, Bye Brandon.

I got home at about 08:30, just in time to bid Nat adieu as Deb was about to drop him off at Leicester Vipers for the first day of Rugby Summer School (for additional info see Nat’s Blog). I was left to deal with Hannah and Shantelle, who had stayed for a sleepover. They wanted to cook pancakes for breakfast and I was quickly dragooned into making (blueberry free) blue berry pancakes (US style pancakes, more scotch than crepes) as per the Shrek Cookbook. This did not go well; Hannah got out the scales and I began weighing and measuring. I didn’t realise that the scales were set on imperial measurements and so my 155 grams of flour was in fact 1.5oz of flour. Unfortunately the milk was correctly measured out in metric; the end result demonstrated, forcefully, why mixing these systems is always a no-no. Just like the Mars probe that was buggered when the US bits were built in imperial and the European bit were built in metric my pancakes were a total and unmitigated disaster. I might have spotted my error if I’d not been “surrounded” by two tweenies vying for the chance to sieve the flour and other ingredients. I should have seen the writing on the wall! After it became obvious that we weren’t having pancakes I prepared a plate of nachos covered these in cheese and then microwaved them. The girls seemed happy enough with this substitute. Afterward I was fully expecting them both to succumb to exhaustion and let me kip in peace but no such luck. Despite being up all night they were both chirpy and full of beans. Eventually I decided to go to bed and leave them to it. When I woke at four it was to discover that they were still going strong and had gone round to Shantelle’s house to play. By now Nat was also home and had informed us of the sad news that Brandon, tied of last season’s losing streak , had decided to leave the Vipers and, was in future, going to play for South Wigston instead. It’s a real shame that he’s leaving because he’s a great player and a lovely lad to boot.

I'm Busy Writing Bullocks Working the Whole Day Through

I’m in work for the Second (!!!!) night in a row and I’m Still (!!!!) awake. How on earth is that possible I hear you say…Come on say it…I’m waiting… “How is that possible?”... Finally …Thank you. Well now that’s out of the way, don’t be so reticent next time…OK? Anyway, where was I? Yes that’s right, I recall, I was telling you all how I was still awake and you were expressing your astonished disbelief. To continue, I’m, unbelievable as this obviously seems to all of you, still awake and writing this blog entry. So if I’m writing it I must therefore have something I want to say. Well normally that would be true but perhaps I’m writing it simple as an aid to remaining awake. As to actual content I might, indeed, be facing a deficiency there of or am I? Well actually the answer must be I am because if I weren’t I wouldn’t be continuing to write this obvious attempt to fill this space with substantially nothing. Come on, I spent the first four lines having a totally fictitious conversation with the non-existent readers who were reading what I was saying and failing to expressed their disbelief sufficiently strongly. If that’s not filling space for the sake of it I don’t know what the frick is. Was there a need for faux-profanity in that last sentence or was it used as a deliberate ruse to give me an excuse to continue writing this post? Well I’ll tell you what I think and it’s this “ I should have ended that last sentence with a question mark” and it would appear that during a later edit, that I’ve just performed less than a second ago, I did. As a result I should really delete my thoughts about the question mark issue as it’s no longer apropos to the current situation. But if I did so that would reduce the total volume of text I‘ve typed and surely that would be defeating my whole purpose, wouldn’t it? What do you think or even recon? Do you have an opinion and if you do who the frick are you and how are you managing to read this. I’ve not finished or posted this so how is it possible that your reading it and if you aren’t how could you possible have an opinion in the first place you nosey barstool? Well that’s four hundred words out of the way now I only have to come up with a way of writing the remaining five hundred and I’m home free. Five hundred words of complete and utter bullocks and a ringing endorsement of my suitability to become a reporter on either the Daily Express or the Sunday Sport. What’s that? There’s still forty something words to go before I reach my goal. Oh what a frickin awful dilemma because I find that I can’t really think of anything else to write to make it to my self appointed target. Come on someone help me out here what else can I say? Wait a goddamn picking minute; I’ve just passed the five hundred mark without any help from any of you useless articles so you can all frig off outta here! Five Hundred and Forty and this makes it Five Fifty!

Thursday, 12 August 2010

Night Two - Will I Make It?

Looking forward to night number two...Not. I finished early, at 06:00, this morning and I'm hoping to do the same tonight. it depends if my systems are working because if they're still not then effectively after 06;00 I can't take any calls because I can't input them. Well it's now 05:22 on Friday morning and I won't be leaving at 06:00 after all.; it seems Julie W is leaving early and that will leave the team short so it looks as if I'll be logging onto JDM's account and taking calls until 08;00. It's a shame really as I'm really flagging now. The curry I had for lunch has given me the sweats and my legs/hips are starting to really ache. Oh well it's four days until the next shift so I'll manage it somehow. If it remains as quite as it's been all night it shouldn't be too stressful...I hope!

When you've Nothing Sensible to Write, Write Rubbish it Helps Pass the TIme

This evening, just before leaving for work, I hold down the highly responsible post of toilet cleaner, at the out-patient centre, to prevent the normal humans realising my exalted alien fighting status, I experienced a spirit vision warning me of impending danger. Never one to ignore such valuable insights I immediately went to the secret room in the attic and borrowed my resident ET’s ray gun.

I couldn’t be more thankful that, by abandoning rational thought, neglecting my medications and removing my foil helmet, I was able to hear and choose to act on my spirit guides warning because no sooner had I reached my place of work than I was set upon by a marauding pack of invisible baboon faced dog-twats from the planetary system of Offamymeds.

Invisible they were yes but only to normal morals blessed not, as I am, with the all seeing super vision of the Hallucinartii. Armed with this, my superior vision, I spotted them as they swopped down toward me and immediately drew my megawhat blaster of extinction, which I had discreetly hidden in my pants, disguised as a mobile super absorbent man-pad, and opened fire thus upon them.

How they loudly screamed as my blaster destructed their semi - corporeal bodies of dnagalaxoslime with bursts of protoplasmic incandescence.

Each of my shots consigned another of those hell creatures to Hell where they did so belong to be. I knew if they got close enough then my very immoral soulfrag would be gravely at risk of being permanently endamnationed. Hastily I began embiggening the aperture of my weapon so that I could destroy more with each of my telling shots that I kept shooting at them. My strategy paid me off in handsome dividends of success as more after more of the monsters fell by my feet.

Flushed with my success I immediately rode my disguised


to the tobacconist and cider shop, which is the secretly disguised headquarters of the Galactic Peace Overseers, to advise them of my successful fightings, so that they could make ready for my parade of congratulations. The confirmed, in the secret language of their race, they would do so:

“Take your effing cider and eff off outta here you effing looney” they said, as they always do when I inform them of another of my triumphs. So, taking my Omega Order medal of honour, cunningly disguised as a bottle of cider,

I did, knowing once more that once more right and justice had triumphed once more over the darkness forces of evil as we have done more than once before I did it this time.

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Nat Doen't Quit Boxing Torture, Return to Work, PC Problems Continue

Slept all day, up at 5:45, everyone out, I thought at boxing. However Hannah turned up alone and told me she’d not gone because she had a bad tummy and had walked to the park with Shantelle instead? Bad Tummy my arse, just because Nat and I had that yesterday; methinks this may have been a lie convenient excuse!!!

Nat and Deb arrived home about 6:30 and Nat was in tears. It appears that, in addition to the normal routine, they’d been on an hour long run as part of their fitness training and he was absolutely shattered. I’m really proud of him because despite of the pain he didn’t quit and completed the run

Finally, went to work this evening, I’d begged off Monday and Tuesday because of my tummy upset. I cycled in and, despite the fact that I took my time, by the time I arrived on site I was drenched in sweat and thought I was dying, it was a very humid evening!. When, eventually, I had managed to cool down I logged on to my PC only to discover that my system still wasn’t working properly. There were a plethora of emails, in my mail box, advising me that “my account had been deactivated due to it being inactive for more than 30 days”. That’s good to know but what would have been better was if someone had shown some initiative and reactivated it! After all I already knew it wasn’t working, I’d phoned IT to resolve the problem not explain it!

Wednesday 11 August

Wednesday 11 August

Today I suffered through one and a half hours of Boxing. In that one and a half hours I: hit a punch bag, did weight training, did push ups, did tummy exercises and RAN UP A BLODDY MASIVE HILL not once not twice but THREE TIMES. So it was not much fun!!!!

Hannah did not go as apparently her tummy hurt or in other words there was something she wanted to do more, in this case go to Mosdale Meadows with Shantell. You know this happens a lot when Hannah wants to play out with her friends her very fickle friends.

When I got home I had two tea's as I was that hungry!!! The first tea consisted of begets with chicken and salad in. and the second was beans and sausages after both of these dinners I felt slightly less worn out but only a little bit less. After I had eaten Hannah's friend shantell came over and we went on the trampoline in three sleeping bags. After doing this I went back inside and watch Big Brother in which they had a task which involved dressing up as a horse.
By Nat (the Ginster) Jones

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

Stomach Pains Still, Boxing, No Jacob

My stomach was still quite upset today and it turned into another day of my trying to sleep but being frustrated by innumerable trips to the loo. I begged off work again and I’ll be in for the last two nights rather than the first two. In anticipation of my eventual return tomorrow evening and the need to sleep in the day I again stayed up all night watching Smallville. Nat and Hannah went boxing at 17:00 but Jacob (who was to come supposed to come too) decided not to join them. Deb said to leave it and not badger him about it; if he wants to go he’ll say so, otherwise we’ll assume he doesn’t.

Monday, 9 August 2010

Upset Stomachs, Hannah and the Cubs go Sailing,

Nat and I both had upset tummies today probably linked to the aforementioned undercooked baguettes. He recovered quite quickly but my stomach arch persisted and I was off and on the loo all day long. This was unfortunate as I was trying to sleep in order to go to work that evening. After another protracted visit to said water closet at 19:15 I contacted work to advise them that I’d not be back at work that evening (luckily I was only due to work two days this week so this wasn’t a problem). Meanwhile, Hannah, accompanied by Deb, had gone sailing with her Cub troop on John Merrick Lake in Watermead Country Park. We’ve been there before, when Nat was a Cub (he was there, with Scouts, again a few weeks ago) and it’s a really great evening for the kids. Deb managed to take some great photos, with my trusty old Nokia N73, and I’ve embedded these below. They were home at about 21:00 and were somewhat surprised to find me still there.

Sunday, 8 August 2010

No Allotment...Again, Dodgy Baguettes

We’ve not visited the allotment for weeks and we didn’t again today. If we don’t get back into the habit of doing so we’ll end up abandoning it as we did last time. If that happens I very much doubt it’ll be as easy to get another one. Allotments are now worth their weight in gold and the waiting lists are getting longer! Nat micro waved two chicken baguettes thingies for he and I but what he didn’t realise was that if you cooked multiple items you needed to increase the time you micro waved them for. The outsides were steaming hot but as we ate them we discovered that they were cold on the inside. I suspect our subsequent tummy problems maybe somehow linked to these baguettes!

Halo Reach

Halo Reach

Boy oh boy there was a lot of Halo Reach info that came out this week from game types to forge fire-fighters to new map's, from armour ability's to new vehicles and campaign missions. There sure were a lot of new facts about Halo Reach to come out this week.

I will start off by talking about the three NEW maps, two of which are Halo 2 remakes and one is a new invasion map. The first one is called Zealot, this is a three story map with the first two levels being almost exactly the same as the classic Halo 2 map with the weapons and other shize being in the same place. But there is one addition made to the map - that is a third level which is in space or more correctly the outer hull of the ship. You can get to this level by going through one of several grav-lifts. The “floor” of this outer level consists of a semi-permeable shield which lets humans through but not bullets or other projectiles(other projectiles including sharp pink needels which blow up if there are several in you, sharp orange needels which do not blow up, green laser things, white super hot super concentrated laser beams, red lasers which take for ever to charge up, grenades from a grenade launcher, frag grenades and blue grenades that stick to you and as a result piss people of). As it is in outer space the gravity is reduced which makes you jump higher (if you don't know what gravity you are a flipping moron who's name is Henri) add in some jet packs to this super hero jumping and you have some crazy outer space combat/shenanigans.

The point behind the third level was that it made the map into a sphere. By allowing players to go up on to the third level and then land in the enemy base instead of just attacking straight at them or going round the walk ways on the side of the map to get them you can go up and over, I think the idea for the shields not letting bullets through was to stop campers with sniper rifles/focus rifles.

The second map is called Reflection and is based on the Halo two map Ivory tower every thing on this map is exactly the same as in halo two with the lift shotgun spawn and sniper in exactly the same paces. If you think the word lift is a typo it is not Reflection just like Ivory tower before it has a lift up to the sniper balcony you can also get up there with a jet pack but where is the fun in that. The only problem with this is damn campers with snipers as we have to get the lift to kill them and if they have a mate with a shotgun watching there back is virtually impossible to get them. They have made the floor out of shiner wood on reach which makes Refection one of the brightest ever halo maps. There is not much more to say about Reflection so I will move on to a new Invasion map Spire. If you played the halo reach beta like me you will of played on a map called bone yard in which a team of Spartans defend agents a team of Elites. Well this time the roles are reversed with the Spartans attacking and Elites defending. You start of with the Spartans attacking up a beach and obviously if I am a Spartan wining, Then once they have got through they have to get up a spire hence the map's name. You get to the top of the spire by using either a falcon transport/attack plane or by using a man-canon, one of the best things about this map is the vents on the ground which means if you have accurate jumping you can jump from the top of the spire to the bottom with out dieing.

God Said It, I Believe It, That Settles It...This Mind is Now Closed for Any Future Business

A short but pointed, discussion monologue, about this absurd statement, from the ever incomparable Pat Condell...Enjoy!

Saturday, 7 August 2010

Bouncing Hannah

Cinema, Vue, The Tooth Fairy, Pizz Hut, Late Night, Smallville

Having, again*, stayed up all night I didn’t accompany Deb and the kids to the morning cinema at the Vue. To be honest, even if I’d been awake, I didn’t much want to see the film they were going to see - The Tooth Fairy. Afterward they went to Pizza Hut for lunch, again not my favourite eatery so I didn’t miss out.

* The reason I’ve been staying up, apart from reacclimatising myself to working nights, is that I’ve been working my way through the various series of Smallville I’ve got on the PC. I’ve discovered two interesting things; if you watch the episodes one after another you can’t remember what happened in them but you do spot the plot inconsistencies’. Alternatively, watching them this way means you miss lots of things and have imagined the inconsistencies’. The bottom line appears to be that eventually I’ll have to watch them all over again.

Saturday 7 August - The Tooth Fairy, Cinema, pizza hut,

Today I went to see a film with my mum and sister the name of the film was the Tooth Fairy the story line is that a hockey player whose name I have forgotten so I will call him bob continually kills children's beliefs  and so is sentenced to become a Tooth Fairy for two weeks.  During this time he has to take on the jobs of a tooth fairy to help him to achieve his goal of being able to believe he has a guidance councillor who is actually a fairy with no wings. After we had seen the film we went to Pizza Hut I had a lovely pizza which had three Italian meats on which included Peparami, Salami and some kind of bacon the worlds favourite meat even veggies like it well they like the smell. As I ate this my mum and Hannah had a Margarita and chicken wings respectively but they shared the nice thing about the margarita was that it had things you could rip of the edge with cheese in.  After I had finished my eleven inch pizza I had a slice of my mum margarita and two of Hannah’s chicken wings so by the end I was stuffed.
By Nat (The Ginster) Jones   

Friday, 6 August 2010

Shantelles Aunties, Girlie Fall Outs

This evening Hannah was playing with Shantelle and her Aunties (one of whom is a year older than Shantelle and the other a year younger) and all was well, or so we thought. It started raining and after a while Deb went to see why the girls hadn’t come in from the garden. She discovered Hannah sitting in the rain, crying her eyes out, and no sign of the others. It seems that they had been playing at wrestling on the trampoline and when Hannah asked if she could take a turn as referee Shantelle objected; although she’d already had a turn she wanted to be referee again. When Hannah said that wasn’t fair, as she hadn’t had a turn, Shantelle walked off with her aunts and left Hannah on her own. If I live to be a 100 I’ll never understand girls; they fall out at the drop of a hat and make up as quickly. So for the next few days they were mortal enemies until Deb spoke to Shantelle on FaceBook and mended their fences for them.

Thursday, 5 August 2010

Mossdale Meadows

It was a lovely day and eventually when the kids were up and about I suggested we all take Monty for a walk. Initially we were going to go down to the Union Canal but decided instead to walk up the Kingsway to Mossdale Meadows Park. On the way we called at Jacob’s house and he decided to accompany us. We spent some time in the play area and then walked into the park proper. Not before Hannah had tried her best to injury Nat and Jacob as can be seen below:
We sat for a while; Hannah, Nat and Jacob took turns on Hannah’s bike getting one of the others to chase them with Monty. Even Nat was sprinting, which is unheard of! I only managed to take a few photos which are embedded below. We went home accompanied by Jacob who stayed for a few hours upstairs with Nat on the X-Box.

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

Another Quite Day

Very much like yesterday, nothing of note just more of the same. I’m a little concerned that Nat doesn’t seem to be in contact with any of his mates other than Jacob. Before the end of term we were inundated with his friends but I haven’t seen Brendan at all and Zak only once. Nat says he’s in contact with them via his X-box but I’m not so sure. He hasn’t gone into town on Saturday, to visit the GamesWorkshop with Brandon, Zak or Sam any Saturday for over three months.

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

A Quite Day, Allotment Committee

I spent the day at home with the kids. I complete forgot (didn’t realise as I’ve lost all track of time) that today was the first Tuesday of the month and so, once again, I didn’t attend the Allotment committee meeting to show off web site. I must, finally, do this next month. I’ll have to ask Donna if I can borrow one of her family’s many laptops as the screen on Hannah’s netbook is far too small to be of practical use. Given that most of the Committee are retired I very much doubt that they’d be able to read the screen on Han’s netbook.