Tuesday, 31 May 2011


Kids on half term
X box back
Walking dead nat and me Whole series
Hannah out with shantelle
Another bedtime story from @itty_Revelry

Sunday, 29 May 2011

annah Has "New" New Girl Friends and Monty Meets Poppy

Today was a “the house is filled with kids” kinda day. Having fallen out with her old “new” friends Hannah now has a number of new “new” friends and they were round our place for most of the day (tip to new parents: consider carefully before purchasing a large trampoline for your back garden. One of them, Paulina’s her name (she’s eastern European so I’m not entirely sure I’ve yet heard her name pronounced correctly), has a dog of her own. A little poodle/greyhound/and something else cross and she brought this odd little thing with her. Well Monty went bonkers and the pair of the spent most of the rest of the day chasing one another all over the house and garden. With her usual impulsiveness Hannah had arranged that she was going to sleep over at Paulina’s house that night but shortly after she’d arrived there she rang, in tears, saying she wasn’t happy, didn’t feel well and wanted to come home. Deb trooped off and fetched her and she returned and spent a tearful half hour cuddled up on the sofa. I think it suddenly dawned on her that she was staying in the home of someone who’d been a virtual stranger that morning and who’s Mum she’s barely met.

We’d planned to visit the allotment today to do some more weeding and plant a few more things but the weather was fairly changeable all day so we put this off to the next day what with the Monday being a Bank Holiday and all that. We were supposed to have gone there the previous day but I forget why we didn’t; possibly because I WAS ON Twitter all day trying to recover my lost mentions perhaps. After everyone else had headed to bed I spent most of the night tweeting, hashtag games are addictive, before heading for the sofa and a few hours sleep sometime around 04:00!

Saturday, 28 May 2011

Twitter: hackie By Fundie F*ckwit

I finished work and headed home after a tiring night of tweeting bad puns and various other hashtag shenanigans. Somehow, since all the Rapture nonsense I’d managed to increase my followers from approx 350 to, at this point, 432; alas this was not going to continue. Once home I logged back into Twitter to keep up the conversations. I’d been involved in two for the last few hours. One was with @Kitty_Revllry and her pal @Pribbzilla  and the other was with @AKdavedownunder @thinkprogress And involved battling Rabbit Zombie Pirates (arising from a frightening bedtime story KR had tweeted to me) and a second involing @Maggiepricess (in the USA) and @AKdavedownunder, an ex-biker turn cook, about treating him as royalty because of his cooking prowess (Twitter does get a bit odd it’s a kind of free form improvising session, if there is such a thing…imagine each person randomly writes the next line of the story and you’ll have a decent idea of what I mean). Suddenly my steam was bombarded with mentions containing my name and others. I was, it turned out, under attack by a noted Christian Fundamentalist who goes by the name of Marbus. No sooner had his tirade of shit appeared but it vanished only to be replaced a short time later by even viler messages sent by him from another one off twitter account. He creates them launches a stream of abusive texts and then terminates the account. This is why they subsequently disappear. Somehow this activity manged to wipe my Twitter mentions history, including that mornings silly conversations,. Luckily, for me, they continue to remain on my phone in the Gravity application. I’ll need to move them over to another holding place before risking upgrading the next time Gravity gets a new release.  I can’t recall anything else happening that day, I supposed I should be proud to be included within the ranks of those a Fundie would seek to target but to be honest it was an honour I would have cheerfully done without.

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

John Simpsons Last, Governors meeting, Work, JDM Off, 397 Twitter Followers

I’m due back at work tonight and before that I’ve a School Governors meeting at Millfield. Given this I really should have gone to bed at a reasonable time but instead stayed up and finally went upstairs at 2 O’clock. It seems I didn’t need a lot of sleep and when Deb woke me up at 5:30 I was wide awake and fit to work.
I borrowed Nat’s new bike to cycle to the school, he was in Endeby at his friend Fred’s house, to see what it was like; it was a lovely ride.
The Governors meeting went well, Nick the new chair is a professional bureaucrat and well use to running meetings so things moved quickly. We have a new Clark of Governors as Lee, our previous Clark, has, apparently, been elected to a seat on the Council and is no longer able to be Clark. The new guy is called Alan seems fine.
It was a sad meeting in one way because it was the Heads last. John is retiring at the end of term; his hips have gone, just like mine did, and will require replacing sometime soon. He feels it would be better, now he’s 60, to retire rather than be absent off and on during the next few years as he gets over the various surgeries. When I arrived he called me into his office to ask me about the operation and its aftermaths. There is going to bed a farewell event in July and hopefully I’ll see him a few times more before then. He’s been Headmaster during all of Nat’s time at Millfield and all but one year of Hannah’s time there. He’s going to be a difficult act to follow but hopefully the new Head Peter Wood will be up to the job.
Afterward I went home got my stuff ready and cycled to work, this time on my bike. I arrived in time to start at 9:30 and need to put in a public duties form for the lost time
JDM's off so Hasmukh is acting in his place, why's he never asked me I wonder, things were pretty quiet and remained that way for the resst of the evening.


Fred's House After School

Today I went to Fred's house after school it as great fun. The first thing we did was go into town so that Fred's mum could take her Mac into the Apple shop because it has a nasty virus on it, once we had left Hicross we went to an Indian shop on the way back to his house where we all got a somosa each Fred's mum also got a potato ball and I got a sickly sweet orange thing that is an Indian sweet. When we got to his house we went on teraria which is a new game and is utterly brilliant (it's a 2d version of Minecraft.) we played in turns of half a teraria day so about 10 mins each way. After that we had dinner Chilli con Carney which was rather nice and miny Oreo's for desert. After that we went on portal 2 which is incredibly funny and difficult as it is a puzzle game. Soon after that I came home.

Monday, 23 May 2011

Aches and Bruises Too Old for Paintball ? Nat Queen's Scouts, Long Hot Bath...Not!

Today was not a lot of not much at all. I spent most of the day sitting on my arse resting my now aching body. Nat did his paper round on his new bike and was finished in about forty minutes which is about fifteen minutes faster than usual. He rode back and forth to school and said it was amazing what a difference the new bike made.
I spent most of the day on the PC enjoying the Rapture follow up on Twitter. In addition had the fun of watching the Jeremy Kyle show while simultaneously following what people were twittering about it.
That evening Nat was at a Queens Scout award meeting so this week he didn’t help out at cubs. Hannah was in and out constantly playing with the girls next door but did volunteer to wash my shoulders for me when I went and had what was supposed to be a long deep hot bath but which ended up being much shorter as she wanted the water after me.

Sunday, 22 May 2011

Paintballing...Oh The Agony

Well after 14 years I’m once more going paintballing and the idea fills me with trepidation. The last time I went paintballing I hurt for days and could barely walk when I was dropped off after the event. Now bear in mind that I’m now 14 years older and you can imagine what was going through my mind. However I had promised Nat that once he was old enough I would take him paintballing and so when Andy, who works with Deb, organised one at work the dye was cast and there was no way of avoiding it.

The site was just outside the village of Ratby and when we arrived I realised at once that this was where we’d been the last time. We were brief and the various items of kit were handed out. As you can see form the photos below we all received a set of overalls, a hood and a facemask. The girls, in addition, got body armour to protect their chesty wobbly bits. Nat and I both had our cricket boxes in place and wore thick tops under the overalls to provide additional protection.

I had decided that there was no way I’d be able to play as I had done last time and made it clear I would be playing a primarily defensive in the various games. There was no way I’d be able to run round like a loon. One good thing was that the helmets were now designed so that there was a layer of foam between the eyes and nose and mouth which meant that if, like me, you wore glasses they wouldn’t steam up. The last time this wasn’t the case and to be honest after a few minutes of running my glasses and visor were so steamed up that I could barely see anything.

We played about seven games and I acquitted myself reasonably, yes I did get killed in most of the games but not straight away and not before I’d had a chance to get a few shots in. Nat managed to survive most of the games and had the time of his life. As you can imagine he’s now addicted and wants his next birthday party to be here. A can say categorically that paintballs still hurt like f*** when they hit you and are best avoided if possible. This is particularly true when you’ve just surrendered and some shit then shots you in the temple from close range. Consider yourself lucky you little shit cos if I’d seen who you were I’d have administered a paintball suppository close up and personal.

Four O’clock finally arrived and the immediate pain was at an end although the aches and pains were to come. My strategy had paid off and I was a lot less sore than I had been the first time I’d played this masochistic game. Deb picked us up having left Hannah at home playing with the girls next door. The crowd from the bank seemed to have had a good time too and Andy was already discussing arranging another session. Nat’s on his own next time. If an adult has to accompany him I’ll be taking a book and sitting it out!

Tip: if you go have the hot dog for lunch. The sausage is huge and it’s easy to eat. Nat and I had the baked potatoes and believe me they are a nightmare to eat with a plastic fork

Twitter weekend Draft

Nearly 400 followers

Saturday, 21 May 2011

Its Rapture Day Plus A New Bike And A Visit To The Allotment

Well midnight had passed and as mentioned yesterday so far no earthquakes or reports of nude person flying upward. I wasn’t until shortly after midnight that I was advised that in fact the rapture wasn’t due to begin until 6pm and there was still six hours to go before it was that time anywhere in the World. During the remaining hours the Twittersphere continued to be full of people taking the piss but one could feel the tension increase as 6PM in New Zealand approached…not. Nothing happened and then it became apparent that apparently God time is in line with one of the US time zones so the rapture wouldn’t occur until then. You could almost sense the senile old fuckwit back peddling with each passing minute and low and behold as Saturday arrived in the USofA old Harold did a disappearing act leaving his credulous followers to face their disappointment alone. Imagine what must have been going through the minds of those practically stupid followers who had spent their life saving promoting this non-event; people like this man:

What A Wanker

A New York man spent his entire $140,000 life savings advertising his prediction that the world will end May 21, the New York Post reported Friday.

Robert Fitzpatrick, a 60-year-old Staten Island resident, said he spent at least that sum on 1,000 subway-car placards and ads on bus kiosks and subway cars.

They say, "Global Earthquake: The Greatest Ever! Judgment Day May 21, 2011."

In a self-published book, "The Doomsday Code," Fitzpatrick said the Bible offers "proof that cannot be dismissed."

Others had spent their children’s college funds, quit their jobs and spent all their funds thinking (?) they would have no further need of worldly goods…what a complete bunch of fuckwits and how are they going to explain to their kids what they did..

There were lots of piss take photos uploaded on the web and below are thirty of the best.

I couldn’t stay on Twitter all day, much as I may have wanted too, because after Deb had dropped Hannah off at DanceTrain for the morning she, Nat and I were headed to the allotment to do some weeding and planting and sundry other tasks.

We were there for about an hour and a half but on the way we stopped at the raliegh Bicycle shop and used my Bike4Work certificate to buy a new bike…ostensibly for me but in point of fact for Nat. He’s out grown his bike and needed a new one. This cost us about £230 with mud guards, green foam and a stand bought as added extras. These were fitted while we were at the allotment and so on our way home we dropped Nat at the shop to pick up the bike and ride it home. I think I can say, judging by the look on his face when he arrived home, that he liked it…a lot!

We left to pick up Hannah from Brockington and while there saw Josh who was with Turkey Sue and her kids. Seeing Josh, who immediately grabbed Nat for a hug (there are very close) and told Hannah to stop hitting him caused Deb to relate another tale of Paul and Sian’s awful behaviour toward Donna. If she’s not careful that girl is going to drive her Mum to suicide at this rate. Donna is not very stable at he best of times these days and it wouldn’t take much to push her over the edge, she’s come close a few times already!

We stopped at Fosse Park for lunch and while there both Nat and I purchased a Cricket Box (groin protector) in anticipation of tomorrow’s paintballing session.

I spent much of the rest of the day and the early hours on Twitter enjoying the post “Not-Rapture” tweets while adding many of my own. Indeed I didn’t realise what the time was until I glanced at the clock and discovered it was 4:30 on Sunday morning and I had to be up by 8:00 if I was to get to go paintballing. I crawled on to the sofa and fell fast asleep.

This Is #HaroldCamping

Friday, 20 May 2011

hannah Interviewing Dad Two - Cheese and Crackers and Murdering

Hannah Interviewing Dad One

Are You Ready To Rapture...On Twitter?

What a great day. Spent mainly on Twitter exchanging tweets Re: The Rapture which, according to the lunatic Harold Camping (owner of Family Radio – apparently only Christians have families). The contempt shown toward these idiots was boundless and the Twittersphere was chock-a-block with sarcastic tweets all through the day. I spent most of the day adding my tuppence worth. Both my #BibleBelts went down a treat and I gathered quite a number of new followers as a result.
I’d finished work in the morning and eventually grabbed a few hours sleep before returning to the PC and counting down to midnight. Alas I discovered the Rapture wasn’t due to commence until 6PM on the 21st so as Midnight struck there were no earthquakes. Along with everyone else I continued to wait patiently and will reveal what happened in tomorrow’s entry. I’ve no idea whether anything happened to anyone else in the family that day as I was too busy to care…what a loving Father I am…a bit like God really.

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

JDM 50 Birthday Party at Work

JDM will be 50 next Monday and we had planned to hold a party for him the next day when we started back to work; however he dropped the bombshell that he would in fact be on holiday next week so plans had to shift into high gear to do some fast rearranging. It was decided (by whom...not me?) that we'd surprise him tonight instead. After asking on numerous occasions what I could bring in, being somewhat klimited by the fact that I cycle to work, I suggested that I fetch crisps and savours and such as these wouldn't be too heavy or bulky to bring on the bike.

Deb forgot all about this and had to rush to the shops for goodies when I woke and asked her if she'd bought the stuff...dipstick. She got enough crisp and savouries to feed the Five Thousand and I anticipated that everyone else was also going to come with more than they could eat. Undoubtedly this would mean that muggins would eb cycling home with more food than I'd brought and that indeed was how it turned out.

I cycled in bike loaded and managed to make it without falling off.

I was right, everyone had brought far too much and there was no way it would all get eaten. I paid Hasmuhk some money toward the cost a bottle of Champagne he’d bought for JDM.

The others had bought him some nice gifts, leather bound filofax, he likes to write things down, and a Segway adventure day.

We ate what we could and as usual I took home the remains; this turned out to be pointless because something had upset my stomach, I had the most painful cramps and the shits all morning when I got home, so not knowing what specifically had caused this none of us ate any of this food which eventually had to be thrown away. This was a shame as it all tasted wonderful but not wonderful enough to risk getting those cramps again.

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Tuesday not finished

Had a good time on twitter last night and managed to accumulate a number of new followers (although in all honesty some were commercial spam). I received a request from a ….. , who likes my tweets, to take a look at this blog so opened it up to public for the day. Don’t know what he thought as I’ve not heard from him since. He was probably disappointed to discover it was the usual banal day to day trivia.

I did have a good laugh tweeting during the Jeremy Kyle show this morning. Everyone (well most people) it seems feels the same way about his show as I do. If you’re feeling down and think you’ve wasted your life then JK is the ultimate pick me up. No matter how bad your lot may seem when compared to this shower of uneducated violent moronic shits your life is the ultimate success story. It’s frightening to think how many other twats like these there are. These are the industrious underclass; too busy nicking and procreating to find the time to appear on the show. There was also a link in the tweets to a very funny YouTube spoof where clips from his various shows had been edited in such away as to make it appear he was as chivvy as his guests. I can’t imagine how long that must have taken to do but it was extremely amusing.

Rest of day



Big Mouth



Monday, 16 May 2011

Admitting Defeat: I'm Never Going To Get This Blog Fully Up To Date

Its 03:07 on Tuesday 17 May and I've come to the conclusion that I must never let this blog fall behind again. I've just been flicking through all the holding posts and trying to remember what it was that I meant to write. OK some of them I can fill in because I've made reasonably decent notes in Word or they are waiting for me to upload the appropriate photos and videos , which I can now do having worked out that I've still got a about 3 gigs unused Google free space. I'm going to have to bite the bullet though and buy some space because it's been the problem of trying to organise the photos via either Ovi or Zooomr that's caused all the problems.

So then what about today (Monday 16) what did I, or anyone else in the family for that matter, do of significance...or otherwise?

After Deb and the Kids left I hot footed it to the PC to do...what? Nothing particularly specific, catch up on Google feeds, Tweets etc. Well whatever I was doing occupied me until nearly 14:00 when finally I decided I'd best go to bed. One thing of note was that not buying cider meant I just had a few weak beers in the fridge and a few of these had no effect on me and so I didn't wake later feeling the effects of too much booze.

I tried to stay up to watch the last launch of the Space Shuttle Endeavour but unfortunately it wasn't due to lift off until about 15:00 and I just couldn't stay up that long. So off to bed and time to see how long I can listen to a podcast before falling asleep. Sorry Jamila (Presenter of the Outriders podcast) but you weren't able to keep me awake and I'm afraid I'm going to have to play you again.

Deb woke me early because she and Nat had to go out and so we were having tea a little earlier than normal. Grabbed a quick showered and came down. Deb had an emergency Governors meeting at Brockington to discuss reducing staff salaries (the school's thinking of applying for Academy status) and Nat was going to help out at Cubs. If he does this for 6 months that will fulfil the community service element of his Queens Scout course.

This meant that I was left with Hannah and a slight problem. I had to leave for work at 7:00 but Deb wouldn't be home until 8:15 so what to do with her during the intervening period. I was supposed to lock her in but I agreed she could play out with the girls so long and Harleen's Dad was outside. I made sure she had her phone and planned to call her when I got to work.

I got to work around 7:30 and gave her a call; no answer her phone kept ringing until it went to voice mail. I tried calling Deb but her phone, as usual, was set to silent so she didn't respond. Next I tried Shantell's Mum Lidia but it seems she may have changed her number so in the end I called Donna who, God Bless Her drove down and checked everything was OK. Hannah also had her phone on silent and so hadn't known I was calling. Donna confirmed she was playing in Shantell's back garden so everything was OK.

I called Deb at 8:30 just to check. She was home. Nat had had a great time and Akala (Elaine) had confirmed that his helping out would qualify for the community service mentioned earlier. It seems he had a great time and Elaine said that he'd been great with the kids and hadn't been too rough. Thank God because he has no idea of just how strong he is. He'd knocked my glasses flying earlier on when we were messing round.

I forgot to mention that Brandon was around this evening the first time in a few weeks as he's been staying with his Dad while his Mum went on holiday

Work was very quiet tonight and its about bloody time, and there was nothing of consequence other than the fact that JDM said he was away next week which means we've got to change the plans we had to surprise him next Tuesday with a party to celebrate his 50th birthday. Looks like this will now happen on Wednesday. Gail and Abdul got their dates mixed up anyway and brought in food and chocolates this evening...whoops.

At least now I don't have a clash with JDM's bash and next Tuesday's Governors meeting where I think we are supposed to be going for a meal to say farewell to the Head John Simpson who's retiring at the end of term.

Monday 16 may 2011

After school today I helped out at cubs it was great fun I got there at the end of beavers and waited until the Cubs got there. When the Cubs and Arkalier arrived I was put in charge of counting the subs and writing in the magic book of subs where I wrote down if they had paid for that day and if they had paid for a drink. After that we played circle football where you stand in a circle and try to stop a ball going between your legs. After that I played hot rice with the cubs which is a game where you through a ball at other people and if it hits them below the knee they are out,we played it 5 times, I was essentially in charge while Arkaler did paper work. Then we went out side and played rounders, I got 4 rounders more than anyone else!! finally we played granys keys which was good fun I was an ultimate NINJA!

Sunday, 15 May 2011


Allotment – me deb nat weeding – bind weed and some planting

Hannah Still Sleeping Over

Back at 2:00

Saturday, 14 May 2011


Deb allotment

Nat Town / broken Xbox / loan to pay

Hannah Sleep over Harleen

Friday, 13 May 2011


Rugby Presentations

Miserable Nat until Zak and Jacob

Not connecting with the other guys?

Ollie Best

Sam Most Improved



Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Tuesday 10 may 2011

This morning I had to do my paper round as per usual and it was the same as ever repetitive and very very very very very boring.
As I was ill Yesterday my mum took me to school in the car I got there in time for breakfast club and I was a hobbit (I had my second Breakfast I had had cereal at home) 2nd breakfast consisted of juice and toast.
At School I had Fitness where we did running 300m I did it in 74.4 seconds not bad at all relay in fact better that most.
During lunch I went to games club and played on Everybody Edits a incredibly fun game where you complete mini games and build worlds.
On the bus home I sat with Rumit, Brandon and Isaac. Rumit and I talked about politics and how we would do things differently if we ruled the world.
When I got home I went on Fred's Minecraft server and had a lot of fun I got on before anyone else.
Because I got on the server before anyone else I grifed everyone and took all there stuff MU HA HA HA I am so evil and untrustworthy!!
Minecraft then went and crashed I got it working again But the server was now full so I could not get back on.
After that I looked on youtube and found new Yogscasts which are hilariousness Mincraft videos and so I am watching them right now.





Monday, 9 May 2011

draft deb governors


Deb Gov

Monday 9 May 2011

Today I was ill and I did not go to school instead I stayed at home and watched several TV programs and films.I watched Jeremy Kyle then the Green Hornet which is an awesome film that everyone should watch at least 3 times it has: everything a crazy bad guy with a two barrelled pistol, a car with awesome stuff in it, a martial arts master and a gas gun!!!!! Then I watched "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People" which has Simon Peg in and is hilarious. Its hard to describe the story line but I recommend you watch it. After that I watched several episodes of Family Guy until my mum got home from work and that is all I have done today.

Sunday, 8 May 2011



Sunday 8 may 2011

Today Jacob and Zak came round, After we saw them when we where on our way to the allotment, and we played on the new Zombie map Call of the Dead and tried to do the wonder wofel Easter egg but we failed miserably several times after playing zombies we went on the trampoline. Later after spending a long time on the trampoline me and Zak tested out some units and it eventually turned into a draw with us both losing everyone. Then they had to go home so I went upstairs and went on my pc and wasted hours of precious life.

Thursday, 5 May 2011

Draft Team Meal

JB Wetherspoons
Where's everyone else?
Zucchero offers casual dining within stylish surroundings. This restaurant offers world buffet cuisine including dishes from India, China, Mexico and Japan
gail, Sushi, Carol Abdul Bharat JDM sharon me
Great evening
Food wonderful
Staff great
waitress brill
bar girl discus kids
bus home