Day 7 Friday 22/10 Cyder Farm, New Quay, Perranporth, Shag, Pasties, St Agnes, Beach, Caves, Mussels, Lost, Tin Mine, Underwater Challenge, American Buffet, Longest Pool Game, Bingo

Today was effectively the last day of our holiday. We’re motoring home and planning a stop on the way tomorrow but today is really the last hurrah. We didn‘t have a clear plan of action, other than a visit to Healy’s Cyder Farm where the previously mentioned Rattler

cider is fermented, I don’t think brewed is the correct term for cider making. We headed for Healy’s first and were there before lunchtime. I was surprised when everything, including the tasting, was free, I’d had gotten acclimatised by now to paying through the nose for everything, but soon discerned their cunning plan. “Yes thank you I would like to try a free taste of…” Subsequently spent £30 on buying bottles of my free tastes…sneaky Healy’s very very sneaky. The matured ciders which are bottled are treated as wines and were outstanding; we bought a bottle to have with our Christmas dinner this year. (photo of cyder buys here)


Leaving the cyder farm we headed, along the coast road, toward New Quay. We weren’t planning a long visit just a quick drive through to see what it was like. Before going into the town itself we stopped at the end of the coast road, parked up and walked a little way up a hill to get a good view of the bay. It was spectacular as the town, unlike many others, sits above the sea on the cliff tops. This probably explains why it has such a reputation for “Tomb Stoning” where drunken men, usually but not always drunken young men, leap from these cliffs and into the sea below; a significant number are killed or find they’ve joined the “in a wheelchair for life” club. It’s a very popular spot for teenagers from all over the country who’ve just finished their exams. Teenagers, Cliffs and Booze a recipe made in Hell.

We never did manage to make it down to the cliffs as New Quay has an incredibly maze like system of roads. We ended up going round in circles and eventually gave up and abandoned this plan. Even then we weren’t in the clear and we still managed to end up dead ended twice more before we got clear of the place. The Town’s slogan should be: “Visit New Quay You’ll Never Want  Be Able to Leave”.

As we made our way down the coast our first port of call was a little town called Perranporth. It was so “touristy” but in a nice way. I bought myself a back scratcher, was offered “A Shag for a Tenner”, inspected the local off license stock of Cornish beers and ciders and ate the tastiest pasty of the whole holiday. We’d park in the road as we refused to pay £3.50 for a hours parking so we were on the clock. We walked down to the beach while eating said pasties before returning to the car. Deb and I both agreed that the next time we visit it might be nice if we could get into a Time-Share nearby.

After this we drove onto St. Agnes then through and down to the bay. Christ I’d liked to have lived there; (INSERT PHOTOS) it was beautiful and, additionally, if you liked mussels you could eat for free because the rocks along the shore line were in-crusted with the little buggers!

While I scouted out a vantage point from which to take photos the other went onto the beach and soon they were little more than dots in the distance. Eventually I did make my way down and joined them there. Nat decided to content himself with drawing in the sand but as usual Hannah was irresistibly drawn to the sea and its accompanying wetness.

After Hannah had played chase with the waves enough we crossed the beach to take a look at the caves in the cliff face. Nat and Hannah, of course, had to climb up into them and got wetter still.

After a little while we made our way back to the car and moved on. Yet again we got lost and it took a while to get our bearings back; still no GPS signal, Damn You To Hell You Cyder Witches! Eventually we were back on track and headed for home. On the way we stopped to look at a tin mine steam engine at a national trust site but lacked sufficient funds to take a trip around the full site.

Back at the Coach House we grabbed our swimming gear and headed for the pool for one last swim. While there I challenged the kids to try to swim the length of the pool underwater; the both succeeded to do so. We left the pool and went back to our rooms for a little while before returning to the main complex to experience the American Hot Buffet evening. Food was great but the kids tried to pile too much food, at one go, onto their plates and ended up unnecessarily wasting some. The homemade burgers were particularly heroic; thick, juicy and very very tasty.

Anyone who’d wanted to play a game of pool was in for a long wait that evening because Nat and Hannah got to the table first and played what must rank as one of the longest games ever. After we’d finished we returned again to our rooms but not for long. There was going to be bingo in the bar at nine so, leaving
Deb at home, the kids and I went back to play. We’d only enough money left to play the first game. We didn’t win and so returned to Deb shortly afterward.

After that it was a question of getting the packing finished so we could get an early start the next morning. That night there was a torrential rain storm that put an end to our planned early start! However we weren’t to know and eventually the majority of the packing was done and only morning essentials were left out. Deb and the kids went to bed but I stayed up to watch the TV and do a little reading. I think I fell asleep on the sofa as I don’t recall going to bed. I did go out a few times to take a look at the storm. The rain was bucketing down if you put your head out passed the door frame you’d be soaked in a second.

Up Late, Off to Falmouth, Park and Ride, Falmouth, More Pasties, The Harbour, Through Town, Half Timbered Shopping Centre, The National Maritime Museum, Lighthouses, Life Rafts, Boats by the Boatload, Town Again, More Pasties, A Nokia N8, Stumpy the Pigeon, Asda No Cider and Forgot Beer, Home, More Pasties, Cream Tea, Sherlock Holmes Film, Saxophonist in Bar, To Bed

Today it was Monday so according to Deb’s reckoning everything should be open today, everything that is except for those attractions that have closed for the season. We got up quite late and as a result didn’t leave the estate until about 11:00. We were headed for Falmouth (Falmouth Wiki  Falmouth Pictures)  famous for its DEEP WATER HARBOUR (the third deepest in the World) and home of the National Maritime Museum.

We didn’t drive into the town itself; rather we stopped on the outskirts at the park and ride and caught a double-decker bus into the town centre. Unfortunately, because it was now out of season, we weren’t able to use the park and ride boat which was a shame as that would have been a fantastic way to see the harbour and enter the town. The bus only dropped off at two places, the top of town and the bottom and believe me there was one hell of a difference in altitude between these two points. As with most Cornish towns Falmouth is nestled at the bottom of a cliff. We opted to remain on said bus until it reached the bottom. We were dropped by the pier which we never actually got to walk out on, next time maybe. We disembarked and immediately our pastie senses, your DNA activates this primitive residual sense as you enter Cornwall, kicked in and we followed them to the nearest pastie shop located less than twenty yards from the bus stop. When we get home I think we need to take Hannah to the doctors to see why her pastie sense doesn’t work as once again she insisted on having a sausage roll (oh the shame of having a damaged child how do we bare it…with incredibly fortitude and a quite dignity that’s admired by all, that’s how. Enough off our nobility lets continue with the day). We began to stroll into town but were diverted to the harbour by Deb who, for reasons unknown, has a phobia about eating in public and wanted to get us off the main drag as we stuffed our faces with pasties. This wasn’t a bad decision as it allowed us both the opportunity to take some photos we might otherwise have missed. Here are those photos along with those of Stumpy the One legged pigeon who I’ll mention later! )
After we’d finished our pasties Deb allowed us to reenter the Town via an ally way next to a Chandler’s store.
We continued to check out the local shops; Cornish towns do not display the uniform ubiquity of most other English town centres and so there was a large and diverse variety of local shops. In a short while we arrived at the museum which is located behind the local shopping mall. Now this mall did contain most of the usual suspects (chain outlets common in every town) but was still unusual in that its front is half-timbered! This was quite a disconcerting sight at first; we soldiered on and entered the museum where they charged us an Arm and a Leg for entry…£26.00 OMG!!!
It was worth every penny; what a fantastic place I’ve never seen so many boats in my entire life. Our first “Port” of call, pardon the pun, was the exhibition on the history of  The Corporation of Trinity House and Light Houses they administer. Astonishingly, given the importance of the role played by maritime trade in the growth of the British Empire Trinity House is not a government department but is rather an ancient Royal Corporation!

Trinity House has three main functions:

It is the General Lighthouse Authority for England, Wales, the Channel Islands and Gibraltar, responsible for a range of general aids to navigation, 'signs of the sea', from lighthouses to radar beacons.
It is a charitable organisation dedicated to the safety, welfare and training of mariners.
It is a Deep Sea Pilotage Authority providing expert navigators for ships trading in Northern European waters.
The Corporation also inspects buoys provided by local harbour authorities.

There were old black and white films, predating the use of helicopters, depicting keepers embarking and disembarking from isolated storm tossed houses; some of these films were positively stomach churning. There were full size mock-ups of the insides of the houses and the cramped conditions had to be seen to be believed.

As I mentioned there were lots of archive pictures, films and recordings that showed and described what life was like for those who manned these remote and inaccessible rocks. In particular, the film clips that showed keepers disembarking from and embarking back onto the supply boats that carried them to and from their 2/3 month assignments were amazing, as much for the fact that someone had been able to film them. There was a mock-up of the accommodation section and it was astonishing how tiny this area was. When you think that three men had to live together in this claustrophobic environment for up to three months at a time it’s surprising they didn’t end up killing each other. Apparently the tiny curved bunks were deliberately designed that way in order to prevent people from snoring; it was impossible to sleep on them laid out flat on your back and this was supposed to prevent you from snoring. If anyone reading this is planning to buy and convert an abandoned light-house into a domestic dwelling I strongly suggest you don’t if you’re at all claustrophobic! Deb and Hannah and Nat and I got separated after this; Nat and I continued to explore whilst Deb and Hannah went to the boat pond and played with the boats. Below are the photos and videos of what we did and saw. We met up again the played in the lifeboats/rafts went down to the part of the building that’s underwater and finally took the lift up to the observation deck over looking the harbour where a knowledgeable old sailor told us all about the harbour and the activity taking place in front of us. All in all an amazing experience, especially if like me you know little or nothing about sailing and the sea; yes I did spend 6 weeks a year at the seaside as a child but the people I stayed with weren’t nautically inclined.





After we’d finished in the museum we mooched about outside, had a look at the boats tied up next to it and started to walk back down into the town. Before we did anything else we bought ourselves some more pasties which we ate at the bus stop (mine was Steak and Stilton but I was unimpressed; the one I’d bought the last time we visited was far tastier). While Deb disappeared into a clothes shop with Hannah Nat and I walked on until we reached a phone shop displaying a Nokia N8 in the window. I’d spotted this on our way to the museum and this was a chance to get my hands on one even if it was a model. Nice size, better for my small hands that the iPhone and the more squarish android phones. I was looking forward, immensely, to playing with Hasmukh’s real one when I got back to work. Finally we were back at the bus stop and we set about consuming our pasties. As is common we were immediately surrounded by birds of all sorts but mainly gulls and pigeons. One of the pigeons appeared a little odd and as you might be able to tell from the photos it was missing one leg entirely and the other was only half there. Whatever it battled valiantly for it’s share of the crumbs we were dropping and Stumpy is obviously a little survivor.

Eventually the bus arrived and on the journey back to the car we discovered that we had missed a huge part of Falmouth so that means there will still be something new to see the next time we visit.

We arrived back at the park and Ride and drove away; I still hadn't been able to buy any cheap cider to add to my TinE’s (I like mixing cheap lager and cider – I like the taste of cider but this way the drink’s not too strong) so when we passed an ASDA we stopped to see about dealing with this problem. But the ASDA had none of it’s own brand on the shelves (apparently its being phased out and replaced by another brand I later discovered); so distracted and upset was I at this turn of events that I omitted to purchase the beers I’d also wanted...what a Twat I sometimes always am! In the meantime Deb had bought more pasties and the makings of a Cornish Cream Tea. When we did get home we discovered she’s messed up to and bought double instead of clotted cream, WHAT ARE WE LIKE?

Later we watched the new Guy Richie Sherlock Holmes film, better the second time and afterward
I popped over to the bar to see what the Saxophonist was like. Ok but no cash so didn’t stay. Went back to our rooms and watched TV after Deb and the kids had gone to bed. They really need a channel guide on their TV’s!!!

VIDEOS STILL TO BE ADDED FROM YOU TUBE

Sunday, Introduction, Hayle, Pasties, Birds, Hell's Mouth, Portreath, Soaking Kids, Swimming, Comedian, Rattler Cyder

We woke refreshed, bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to take on anything this strange isolated backwater (yeah, backwater, I believe Cornwall is the UK’s second biggest tourist destination after the Lake District) had to throw at us…why am I making this sound more like a fight than a holiday? Because I can…why, do you want make something of it reader, you looking at my funny mate?


We headed off to main reception; no I don’t know why I didn’t get any photos of this area either. The main restaurant was situated upstairs overlooking the pool and we grabbed a table, and some free pastries, at the back of the room and waited for things to get started. Deb got chatting to a lady from Ebba Vale, in Wales, who’d heard my Welsh accent and who had used this as an excuse to strike up a conversation with her until a shortly while later the resident comedian, a chap named Paul MaGahan who was to be that night’s “turn”, gave an amusing and rather useful talk about the area and the various attractions. His advice, especially about where and where not to drive to, was to prove very useful during the coming days.

With the intro talk over we decided to explore the surrounding area but without plans to go anywhere in particular. Deb was concerned that now it was out of season many places would be closed on a Sunday and so today would be about driving around and getting a feel for the place. First we headed for Hayle, which is, or so it claims, the “Pastie Capital” of Cornwall, boasting no less than SIX separate Cornish Pastie Shops.

Being the discerning consumers we are we, of course, stopped a the very first one we came across which turned out to be “Philps Pasty Bakery, East Quay”.

For a Sunday morning this little shop was amazingly busy and eventually after a few minutes queueing we acquired some “medium” pasties for Nat, Deb and Me and a couple of sausage rolls for Hannah who had, as usual (because they had meat in them), already decided she didn’t like pasties. I’m sad to say that, as big as these pasties were, I found them to be rather disappointing; they appeared to be comprised of a mass of, slightly undercooked, shredded potato which hid the occasional seam of beef. Anyway, enough of my culinary complaints, we seated ourselves over looking Quay to eat and were soon surrounded by birds of all kinds (mainly huge gulls and hooded crows). Utterly unafraid of people these pesky scavengers scurried around our feet pecking at dropped pastry crumbs. When we actually threw down small pieces for them we were then entertained by an impromptu display of Darwin’s theory of the “survival of the fittest” as the birds competed over these scraps.

Pasties finally consumed we once again set off to explore. We eventually found ourselves at Hell’s Mouth which is a dramatic cliff formation next to the road between Portreath Bay and Gwithian Beach in north Cornwall. The land is owned and managed by the National Trust and Hells Mouth lies on the Southwest Coast Path. Nearby is a car park and cafe. The views from here along the North Cornish coastline were fantastic. Hells Mouth lies on a popular 3.7 mile coastal walk which stretches from Godrevy Navax Point at one end to Basset's Cove at the other. Below I’ve embedded the photographs we took of this spectacular location.



We parked next to the café and walked up to the cliffs. Even here, with an unimpeded view over the Celtic Sea we were still unable to get a GPS fix on either my phone or Nat’s. I think the local “Cyder Witches” are interfering with the signals…spooky! Afterwards the kids each had an ice-cream whilst I admired the sovereign ring knuckledusters being worn by one of the local bikers who was parked there. There seem to be an amazing number of bikers in Cornwall! Back in the car we continued to explore until we ended up in Portreath. We parked up, there was another large group of bikers in the car park, and went down onto the beach. The kids decided they’d like to paddle in the sea and as you’ll see from the photos below they both ended up completely soaked. Lacking a change of clothing, you don’t anticipate the need in October; we got them stripped down and into the car. Nat wasn’t happy disrobing in public but he wasn’t getting into the car otherwise. In the end the car door and a strategically held coat protected his modesty. Hannah’s still young enough not to be too bothered.


It was late afternoon before we got back to Clowance; we’d stopped off at Morrison’s to buy some beer (a vain hope as it seems that they don’t stock cheap beer or cider the swine’s). By the time the kids had changed it was too late to go wandering again so we settled in for the day. A little later we all went for a swim and I had a sauna, no kids allowed. Afterward Nat and I decided we’d go to the bar to see if the comedian was funny than he’d been that morning. Deb and Hannah decide not to come with us. The chap was fairly amusing but the biggest surprise was his voice. He had a very powerful voice and could mimic songs excellently. When he did a cover version of a popular hit it sounded just like the original version. Why don’t people like him ever appear on show like the X-Factor? A very pleasant discover, although that can’t be said for the price, was Rattler (a draft local cider) which was very nice indeed. Even Nat, who professes that he’s not going to drink when he’s bigger, had a sip and expressed his approved. Rattler is made by Healey’s and it was their Cyder Farm that we visited later in the week. I nearly won a drink from the comedian when the bar staff told me the answer to a question he’d set the audience when I was in the loo but unfortunately he gave the answer before I had a chance to speak. About 23:00 everything wound up and Nat and I went back to the Coach House and to bed. All in all it had been a great day.