Sunday, 4 June 2017

two month anniversary

Two Month Anniversary

It’s the 4th  of June today so technically (and literally and not at all meta[phiorically76) I’ve been in my new flat and living alone for a whole two months and have not crossed the threshold of the home I spend 30 years part paying for nor have I seen Nathaniel, Hannah, Monty or Tywin during this time. Not spoken to Nathaniel during this time, despite texting him to say I was extremely depressed and needed someone to talk to, his only reply was he loved me as a parent but was keeping out of things ... fine ... so long as I believe he’d not spoken to Hannah either ... which of course he has. Hannah has not responded either to my nasty not apologetic texts ... actually that’s for the best because in all honesty I’ve reached the point where I don’t really want to ever see her again. I’m too old now to waste anymore of what remains of my life on someone who quite obviously harbours no good feeling towards me and whose fondest wish would probably be to be told I’d died. Some kids don’t bond with one parent or another and that would appear to be the case here. There’s absolutely no way, after 16 years that can now be changed so it’s an utter pointless waste of time trying to do so. Plus I’ve had enough of her contempt and indifference to last a lifetime. My fall in February proved categorically, and beyond any reasonable doubt, that she harbours no feeling of affection for me; so be it I’m done. 

If I’m totally honest, AND AGAIN I’VE NOT GOT ENOUGH TIME LEFT TO WASTE ANYMORE OF MY LIFE GIVING OTHER PEOPLE CONFORTABLE LIES, I’m far more happy living alone and I really have no inclination nor desire to return to the family home or, for that matter, see any of my family. After all, Hannah hates me, Deborah wishes she’s never married me (yes it was a mistake we’ve both wasted our lives) and Nat’s made it quite clear that he’s picked sides instead of remaining neutral. So perhaps it’s time to burn my bridges because, after all, Nat’s left home anyway so I’d hardly see him again. Neither Hannah nor I have any desire whatsoever to spend any time in the other’s company whilst Deborah and I have displayed no affection toward one another for over 10 years which basically says all that needs saying.

If ever there was a time to win the lottery this is it; I’d the f**k off, travel the world, and no one would ever hear from me again which works perfectly because I can’t think of anyone who would want to hear from me or anyone I’d particularly want to hear from . They’ve also burnt their bridges.


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