Thursday 3 – Tuesday 8 Sept – School / First Telling Off / Missed Big Brother / Cosby Military Show / The Boys and the Nutter / Hygienist / Last Chanc

Well it’s Thursday morning and the start of a new term. Today Nat goes up to big school and once again becomes a little fish in a big pond. Han going to be a junior and before you know it she’ll be moving on.

After Deb picked me up at 7:30 we headed home hoping that the kids had eaten and dressed. Good God; they had, it’s a miracle. We had all piled into the car by 8:00 and set off for Enderby; not sure of traffic conditions on the first day of term we planned to give ourselves a time cushion. Traffic; not to bad, we dropped Nat at the gates around 8:20 and made our way around and out of the miniscule car park as quickly as we could so that we could now dump Han too. Much as I wished to we didn’t get out of the car with him, walk in with him, photograph him or get overtly physical, after all 11 yr old boys have their standards and these include not getting kissed by your Dad in the car park on your first day at your new school! I need Amanda Huggankiss.

We made it to Millfield with time to spare and exited, the car, to walk Han into school. Along the way we stopped to talk to Henry’s Mum Maxine (who’d just dropped Henry off in Enderby) whilst we were talking Han walked off and took herself to school.

Deb dropped me at home and then drove off to work. My knee hurt, I went in sat down and had a beer.

Most of the rest of the day passed in a haze of beer, tiredness and Jeremy Kyle. I think I dragged myself to bed about 12:00 but I can’t clearly remember. I know I was still in bed when the kids came home.

Nat was very pi**ed off, he’d been told off on his first day, in drama, for talking. We explained that teachers tended to do that kind of thing early on in order to establish their authority. Unfortunately Nat has a very strong sense of injustice and complained he’d only continued to speak because he hadn’t heard the teacher tell everyone to stop talking. Other than that, he’d had a great first day and said he loved the place. Getting info out of Han was, as usual like getting blood from a stone!

Friday, another day and I was shattered, this hip leaves one feeling exhausted; it’s the unending low level pain, interspersed by less low level pain, that drags you down and makes you as patient as a bear with a sore head. Had a falling out with everyone when they returned home and went to bed late afternoon. Missed the last episode of Big Brother, apparently Sophie won, and slept till morning.

Saturday, we’re going to Cosby except I’m still in a bad mood and decide I’m not going. Deb tries to talk me into going with them but to no avail. They leave and I immediately regret my decision. Do nothing for a few hours back to bed and stay there until Sunday. Apparently the event was great, the kids rode on a tank, Nat saw lots of military vehicles, he was particularly impressed by the tracked Bren gun carriers, and the only remaining flying Vulcan bomber flew low over the slow. MJ sometime you are a complete twat, I’ll have to go to next years War and Peace Show.

Sunday, I finally came down for lunch around 2:30pm and heard all about yesterday. Later, Henry (see above) and Alfie called to see if Nat wanted to go out on his bike with them. Off they went and Han played outside with the girls. About an hour later we heard Nat struggling to get his bike through the front door and as he pushed it into the room he was obviously in distress. At first we thought he’d fallen off his bike because he was in floods of tears and unable to form a coherent sentence. As we calmed him down it immerged that something far more sinister had happened. He was nearly hysterical, his trainers were soaked through with mud as were his jeans and his arms were also covered.
It transpired that he and the other two had been throwing sticks, chunks of wood into the steam down near the playing fields when they were approached by an older man, walking his dog, who said he was going to ring the police unless they got into the steam and removed all the wood. Alfie apparently had already left to go home for tea and Henry immediately legged it on his bike leaving Nat alone with this nutcase who virtually forced him into the water. Potentially this could have had tragic results as the banks are very steep and difficult to climb out of, in addition there is a very thick layer of mud in the stream bed that could easily cause someone to lose balance and fall into the water. Eventually the man left, telling Nat that he was reporting him to the Police, and Nat managed to extricate himself. He made his way home and this was how he came to be in the state he was when we first saw him. I went ballistic (see photos) and after getting some photos of Nat I got me bike and we went looking for the bastard. We headed toward the stream and over the playing fields and along to the canal trying to find him. I don’t know what I’d have done if we had. As we reached the canal Deb phoned to say that they’d (?) found out who the guy was and to come home. We cycled back to find Deb, Dave (Henry’s Dad) and a number of others congregated near the underpass.

Apparently, Henry, also in a state of distress, had rung his Dad (thank God for mobiles) and Dave had jumped into his car and gone looking for him. When Henry explained what had happened to him they too set off in search. Henry spotted the guy and Dave caught up with him. Apparently he was in his sixties and at first denied knowing anything about what they were talking about. Dave said, that if he’d have been younger he’d have given him a good hiding, as it was he put the fear of God in him and, as Dave put it, appeared as if he was going to wet himself. Unfortunately they hadn’t found out where he lived and he’d scampered off as soon as he could. A number of people who had stopped to find out what was happening said they thought they knew who he was and roughly where he lived. I’ll bide my time until I see him and then I’ll pounce. I won’t hit him I’ll just give him the same choice he gave the kids; pay to replace the clothes he ruined, trainers jeans etc or I’ll call the Police and report him for assault, lets see how he likes being on the receiving end…cunt! At least the chase had calmed Nat down and we went home. We all spent the rest of the evening watching the goggle box until bed time.

Monday, back to work tonight but first The Hygienist!! 12:20 in the chair having my teeth tortured would it ever end; another session next Monday and the following…Oh the Pain! Kids back from school, Nat enthusing about using the Bunsen Burners in the science labs. We watched the first episode of Last Chance to See, Stephen Fry’s new series following in the footsteps of the late Douglas Adams. As with virtually everything else he does, outstanding programme, I’m looking forward to the rest of the series, I was following him on Twitter whilst he made the later episodes so it’ll be interesting to see the scenes he twittered about. We also watched OWLS which a friend had sent to Deb on Facebook, then Narwhals then Badgers Oh God these are going to be stuck in my brain forever. Nat went to Kickboxing, Han went to Cubs and Deb drove me to work. I must watch video of The Gadget Show that’s on tonight later this week. Work...again, how quickly the four days off pass, especially if you spend most of them in bed! Also, given up alcohol for a while, I think my Liver needs a rest!

Tuesday, Home, watched the mad French bloke from X-factor on Youtube (I’d seen a report in the paper about him at work) and he was as bad as the article had said. Owls, Narwhals and Badgers again until finally the kids went to school.

Before going to bed I decided to watch the Tim Minchin Live video

I’d recorded it a few weeks before but after watching some of it with Nat I'd decided that it was a little too much even for my kids so decided to watch it while no one else was home. I nearly wet myself laughing, Christ why wasn’t I born with talent like that? I interrupted the recording part way through to watch Jeremy. Usual bunch of feckless thoughtless baby makers; those poor bloody kids of theirs what chance have they got? In 15 yrs, if the programmes still on air, it’ll be them on sitting on stage slagging each other off and, by then, they’ll already have birthed the next generation! Finished watching Tim then went to bed and tried to catch on back episodes of The Skeptics Guide to the Universe; unfortunately kept drifting off so only heard parts. Up at 5:30 showered and had dinner. Nat’s still enthusing about his new school then I went onto Youtube to show them both that I’d found a site that had a full recording of The Ascent of Man; it turned out that it had an awful lot more than that and we watched a few episodes of the Disney series Bill Nye – The Science Guy, a programme never broadcast in the UK so far as I know but very good. As usual it was difficult to keep Han’s attention focused. She’s got a good mind but seems reluctant to use it, what to do?

Anyway, off to work where Julie B, whose daughter got married at the weekend, had brought in two large cream cakes…yum! Bharat also gave me some of his potatoes curry which sits beside me as I type smelling delicious. Nuff said!