Well after 14 years I’m once more going paintballing and the idea fills me with trepidation. The last time I went paintballing I hurt for days and could barely walk when I was dropped off after the event. Now bear in mind that I’m now 14 years older and you can imagine what was going through my mind. However I had promised Nat that once he was old enough I would take him paintballing and so when Andy, who works with Deb, organised one at work the dye was cast and there was no way of avoiding it.
The site was just outside the village of Ratby and when we arrived I realised at once that this was where we’d been the last time. We were brief and the various items of kit were handed out. As you can see form the photos below we all received a set of overalls, a hood and a facemask. The girls, in addition, got body armour to protect their chesty wobbly bits. Nat and I both had our cricket boxes in place and wore thick tops under the overalls to provide additional protection.
I had decided that there was no way I’d be able to play as I had done last time and made it clear I would be playing a primarily defensive in the various games. There was no way I’d be able to run round like a loon. One good thing was that the helmets were now designed so that there was a layer of foam between the eyes and nose and mouth which meant that if, like me, you wore glasses they wouldn’t steam up. The last time this wasn’t the case and to be honest after a few minutes of running my glasses and visor were so steamed up that I could barely see anything.
We played about seven games and I acquitted myself reasonably, yes I did get killed in most of the games but not straight away and not before I’d had a chance to get a few shots in. Nat managed to survive most of the games and had the time of his life. As you can imagine he’s now addicted and wants his next birthday party to be here. A can say categorically that paintballs still hurt like f*** when they hit you and are best avoided if possible. This is particularly true when you’ve just surrendered and some shit then shots you in the temple from close range. Consider yourself lucky you little shit cos if I’d seen who you were I’d have administered a paintball suppository close up and personal.
Four O’clock finally arrived and the immediate pain was at an end although the aches and pains were to come. My strategy had paid off and I was a lot less sore than I had been the first time I’d played this masochistic game. Deb picked us up having left Hannah at home playing with the girls next door. The crowd from the bank seemed to have had a good time too and Andy was already discussing arranging another session. Nat’s on his own next time. If an adult has to accompany him I’ll be taking a book and sitting it out!
Tip: if you go have the hot dog for lunch. The sausage is huge and it’s easy to eat. Nat and I had the baked potatoes and believe me they are a nightmare to eat with a plastic fork
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