WHO'S THE DADDY?
Is there a more perfectly wonderful word in the English language? Well yes and no, there are none greater but many that are it's equal:
Father;
Papa;
Dad;
Pater;
Big Man; are a few amongst the many that come to mind.
Simply put, Father, in it's many and varied incarnations, represents language's most perfect word; a word that endeavours to encapsulate that most perfect expression of the human condition. To represent, verbally, the evolutionary triumph that is ME!
I came, I saw, I bonked her
Again and again and again
Hurray for me,
I fertilized three
My sperm; built to conquer
HAN'S BADGE SAYS IT ALL;
I MADE THE FAMILY, MAN!
COS, I'M THE MAN WHO CAN,
EVEN ME W***S
AIN’T GOT NO BLANKS,
SO, THE SPERM BANK'S A REAL BIG FAN!
Arrived home at about 7:45 only to find that the children were still in bed, outrageous, they should have been kneeling at the door to greet me!
Eventually, they came down stairs and after a brief, but violent, beating (Nat wasn't very well so I held back a bit and only tasered each of them once) they began genuflecting. After much genuflecting they gave me, as is my due, my presents (perhaps offerings would be a better word) which I proceeded to graciously open !
Three very fine bottles of beer and two funny tee-shirts (One Homer Simpson, One Mr Incredible) made up their offerings and I, their Lord, was pleased. I dismissed them to the kitchens to hew wood. After an hour or so, I bade Deb (my significant chattel) to forebear, my innate modesty was causing me to become embarrassed by her unending, though endearing, praises.
All in all a fine morning; we refrained from visiting the allotment because Nat was unwell. At about 11:30 I decided to retire and the children, as is their duty, carried me up stairs to my private chambers.
I arose from my slumbers at 6pm and ate a scrumptious repast that Deb had provided where upon I utilised my superior "Daddy" powers on Deb and Nat's new SIM cards and activated their new mobile accounts.
All Hail Me!!!
And now to Work.
Oh the peasants, if only they knew what a giant it is what walks amoungst them; surely they would quake in my presence and would, most probably, mess their underwear!
Yet another night for those who think they are perfect to annoy those of us who are!
ALWAYS REMEMBER
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*Yes we know he's not really real, if he were he'd be busy worshipping me; but if he did exist, and he doesn't, but if he did, then the above statement would indeed be correct.
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