Got home this A.M. and spent most of the morning writing stupid, but I thought they were funny, #fakenickcleggheadlines for Twitter (see below) because I was to tired to be tired, if that makes any sense (it will to anyone who’s ever worked nights). Shortly before I actually decided to bite the bullet and go to bed I received a call from Brockington College re: Deb's governor's Meeting next week and her needing to complete a CRB* check form. Left her an almost incomprehensible note requesting she called the school when she got home...surprise surprise she didn't ring. I told her, it doesn't matter how much she tries to avoid filling in the form eventually they're going to find out that she was one of the Great Train Robbers… Sixty years and a sex change can’t hide some things!
Nat was supposed to play Rugby for Brockington College over in Market Harborough today but forgot to get Deb to sign the permission slip; no problem his nine year old sister faked their Mum's signature for him**. Unfortunately, as it turns out, they lost the match but that's all part of life's rich tapestry…Losers!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm on EA tonight’s whilst Ash is doing manuals; it's pretty quite tonight so, in between him watching Top Gear and me scrutinising the twittersphere for more Nick Clegg tweets and reading reviews of the three leaders debate earlier, we've been swapping telephone call horror stories. I couldn’t top his Thai Bride and her Thirteen Bedrooms Saga…Oh God the sheer unmitigated horror of it all!!
I'm not planning on a
huge enormous gigantic l
arge long big entry tonight, Oh Ah Mrs, so listed below are my attempts at being funny or even occasionally serious, on twitter...nite all.
Tweets
The BNP, it is #nickcleggsfault that its Simple Mission is providing Simple Answers 2 Simple Questions 4 Simple People… BNP simply nonsense!
about 2 hours ago via web
Delete #election It’s Our Simple Mission Simply providing Simple Answers 2 Simple Questions 4 Simple People… BNP you know i
Dole scrongers who do murder their kids will keep their benefits unless they opt to serve their sentence under rule 42.about 7 hours ago via web
- To reduce future social security costs dole scrongers who don't murder their children will have their benefits withdrawnabout 7 hours ago via web
- Clegg plans to compel all Daily Mail readers to fellate seven bogus asylum seekers daily Policy re:their wifes undecidedabout 7 hours ago via web
- I’m not saying its but the last time I looked I wasn't sharing my home with 20 asylum seekers who expect me their cook tea!about 7 hours ago via web
- I’m not saying its but the last time I looked I wasn't expected to share my house with 2 convicted Paedophiles and now I amabout 7 hours ago via web
- “I hate fucking pouffe” says man who fails 2 comprehend the joy of sexual congress with an item of furniture used as a footstool or low seatabout 7 hours ago via web
- “I hate fucking poufs” says man who failed to understand the joy of indulging in congress with a hairstyle deriving from 18th-century Franceabout 8 hours ago via web
- mysickbones rejects epithet of "sad wanker". "It's not my fault" he claims "I just had this persistent itch in my pants"about 8 hours ago via web
- Clegg laughs at torment of sad wanker compelled 2 tweet fake headlines when he's got work tonight and should be in bed!about 8 hours ago via web
- Clegg defames late great TV Stars Reg Varney and Gordon Jackson at medieval fencing contest "I hate you Buckler" he saysabout 8 hours ago via web
- Inarticulate Clegg claims "when I supped with the Devil it was him wat had to use a long spoon the fucking nouncy twat."about 8 hours ago via web
- Clegg announces - 72 virgins for every muslim voter plan. Offer not valid in Essex or surrounds due to severe shortages!about 8 hours ago via web
- Clegg says LibDems will clear national deficit and hasten Rapture by selling scrapped Trident missile system to Al Qaedaabout 9 hours ago via web
- Prince Albert strips to reveal his Devil worshipping baby eating puppy buggering rubber donkey molesting Clegg piercingabout 9 hours ago via web
- Video exposes Clegg's promise 2 Lucifer Virgin Sacrifice will become part of primary school syllabus when he's elected!about 9 hours ago via web
- All Daily Mail reader's underage daughters 2B married off to bogus asylum seeking paedophiles to massage asylum claims!about 9 hours ago via web
- Clegg claims the late belove TV chef Keith Floyd was crap, " every fucking baby he ever cooked me was burned, the twat"about 9 hours ago via web
- To reduce prison overcrowding, families with young children will have to provide lodgings for two convicted Paedophiles!about 9 hours ago via web
- "Yes I did rape Nora Batty, so what the fuck's it got to do with you cunt face" says foul mouth LibDem heartthrob Clegg!about 9 hours ago via web
- "David "call me dave" Cameron ate my fucking hamster" first, claims blood soaked, lip licking, Devil worshipping Clegg.about 9 hours ago via web
- OAPs to get single mothers babies as part of winter fuel allowance. Clegg claims it'll provide much needed extra heatingabout 9 hours ago via web
- Why I don't regret the time I spent as chief oven repairman at Auschwitz. You call it a Holocaust I called it a Holiday!about 10 hours ago via web
- BBC 4 announces latest new series. Examining claims that capital punishment does deter murder. Working title: Let them Hang Goes The Theory.about 10 hours ago via web
- BBC 4 announces latest new series. It examines people who only crash their cars when they are very tired. Working title: Prang Go The Weary.about 10 hours ago via web
- BBC 4 announces latest new series. It examines people who get sexually aroused when they are very tired. Working title: Bang Goes The Weary.about 10 hours ago via web
- "Eat my shots" says man wearing whisky soaked trousers. Later seen shouting at passerby "Vodka looking at u twat". Seems to be a rum fellow!about 10 hours ago via web
- If the knives are out for Clegg & it certainly seems that they are, then he must be doing something right. Is the Daily Mail running scared?about 10 hours ago via web
- Re: David "call me Dave" Cameron I agree with my wife if elected PM he will unzip his forehead and show us all The Slitheen withinabout 10 hours ago via web
* Criminal Records Bureau – what everyone in the UK, who comes into regular official contact with Kids, has to fill in to prove that they are not a paedophile (or a liar)! Methinks that the Catholic Church might have benefited from having a similar vetting process for anyone applying to join the Priesthood…NOT!
** We still deciding whether to punish them for dishonesty or reward them for showing initiative
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