Sandy, who was, before two pregnancies’, a member of the other night team and who helped train me when I first started on this shift, is now working in the evenings at the weekend and so joins us when we come in for the start of our shift. She’s a huge iPhone fan and last week we were discussing her 3GS. She’d promised to bring in her Hubby Ian’s iPhone 4 but had forgotten. Anyway once more the conversation shifted to tech, especially mobile tech, and the various companies’ attempts to lock you into their products. Google doesn’t give away mail, docs, maps, calendar etc out of the goodness of it’s heart but rather because if you use all of these services you are far more likely to decide to purchase an Android (the mobile phone platform created by Google) phone that seamlessly integrates all of them automatically for you. For similar reasons Apple operates a policy of locking it’s iPhones into its own private ecosystem and ruthless fights against the jail breakers who strive to free their iPhones from its grip. By doing this it weds iPhone users to the iTunes system and makes it inconvenient to leave. Once a person becomes an iPhone user there are strong incentives to make them remain an iPhone user; changing to an alternative OS (operating system) puts at risk everything they’ve invested in the iTunes Universe.
So the scene seemed set for an evening of techie conversation but then Ash, the home decorator guy, happened and then, like all good plans, mine went straight down the Suwannee without passing Go and without collecting £200. This was because Sandy was not only a tech enthusiast she was also, and to a greater degree, a DIY enthusiast. Well, I was buggered because Ash is an expert at this kind of thing and as soon as Sandy heard him being cross-examined by Julie W she was hooked. As soon as JW had finished giving Ash the kitchen third degree then their conversation began and it’s still going on…hours later. So that’s why I’m sat sitting here, typing this instead of talking tech; oh good they’ve moved on to looking at second homes now!
So I decided to do a little Twittering and low and behold I came across the hash-tag #20million which asks you what you would with the estimated £20 Million that the Popes Sate Visit to the UK is likely to cost. Below, in reverse order, are my Tweets:
1. If I had #20million I'd pay a #Jesuit to bum the #Pope; then he'd have to write an essay explaining why it's better to give than to receive
2. If I had #20million I'd dress up and pretend to be the #Queen and use the money to fund my all #expenses, paid, #statevisit to The #Holy See.
3. If I had #20million I'd sent all priests on a course to learn Cockney; so that then they'd understand why child rape is banging outta order!
4. If I had #20million I'd go on a learn 2 write English correctly and I'd then delete the previous tweet and redraft it but as I ain't I can't
5. If I had #20million I'd buy 20million condoms then I’d put the remaining money into them and prove his holymess wrong - safe sacks does work
6. If I had #20million I'd stop twittering and get a life; plan two, back to the drawing board to see what went wrong with the airborne porcine
7. If I had #20million I’d stop twittering and get a life; plan one, convert Ric Dawkins to Christ and finish engineering the airborne porcine
8. If I had #20million I'd set up a trust 2 pay 4 priests 2 have access 2 professional rent boys hopefully then they’d leave the amateurs alone
9. #biggestliethatworked - If you don't #trust me, a #catholic #priest to look after your #child then in #Gods name what's the World #cum to?
10. #biggestliethatworked – I’d use the #20million 2 screen applicants to ensure that no #priests are #paedophiles, UR's sincerely #Benedict XVI
Bye the Bye, as per usual, they were all exactly 140 characters in length when posted on Twitter. I've since added some punctuation and trimming to in order to aid with clarity.
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